Where was BN this weekend? Playing Round Robin with the new Halloween piece!
What's a Round Robin? Well, it was Momma J's new idea: one writer started the piece, e-mailed it to another, and we passed it round and round.
Try not to get dizzy.
BN Howl-o-ween: BSB Trick or Treating
It was a dark and stormy night—well, not that stormy, because this was LA. But it was dark! Management had come up with the brilliant idea of sending the Boys out trick or treating, not everyone was excited about the prospect….
Howie: Where is everyone? This burrito suit is warm! *flips fabric lettuce leaf out of hair*
Brian: I’m here! I’m here! Are you supposed to be a taco?
Brian: I don’t get the joke, but Backstreet’s back, alright!
Howie: You’ve been doing that for years, aren’t you sick of it yet? And what are you?
Brian: I’m a gnome! Don’t you see the pointy hat?
Howie: I also see the vampire coming down the driveway—Kev?
Kevin: Not a vampire, the Count from Sesame Street! Why is Brian dressed like a homeless man?
Kevin: And making weird noises?
Howie: I’m a burrito.
Kevin: That’s…nice…. Are AJ and Nick late AGAIN?
Howie: *sigh* Some things never change
Brian: Wait ... What's that sound?
Kevin: *looks out the front door* It looks like a clown is chasing a big, pink bunny.
AJ: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! Get away from me you freak!!! I hate you!!!
Nick: Aaaaaaaww, come on bunny!! Don't you wanna give Nicky the Clown a big ole hug?? Ahahahahahaha!
AJ: Duuuuuuuuuude!! You know I hate clowns!! Stop iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!
Kevin: STOP!!!!!! You're ruining the lawn!!! Now get your butts inside while I count how many blades you've trampled!! Vone blade of grass, muhahahahaha! Two blades of grass, muhahahahaha!
Nick: Inside!? *bounces* Do you have CANDY!?
Brian: I really don't want him inside my "gnome" while he's bouncing around like this, Leighanne’s not going to be impressed
Howie: *looks puzzled* you don't want him inside you?
Brian: I was trying to be funny... gnome... Home...?
Brian: It rhymes?
AJ: OK then... Nick: *bounces in front door shouting* What's up Brok? Gimme some sugar I am your neighbour! *starts singing Outkast and shaking booty* AH! Shake it! Shake it! oh come on shake it! uh ohhhhh Shake it like a polaroid picture!
*Leighanne comes into the hallway*
Leighanne: OUT!!!!!!!!! ALL OF YOU OUT!
Brian: *shouts dramatically* GOTTA GNOME! *grins* get it?
AJ: *looks at Brian* Why... seriously dude why?
The boys headed out into the night...
AJ: Nick, if you don't stay the fuck away from me, I'm gonna beat you senseless with this plastic pumpkin candy holder!!
Kevin: Alright guys...settle down. We are coming up to the first house.
They approached the first house, walking up a narrow walkway. There was a scarecrow sitting in a lawn chair as a decoration, just as the boys began to pass by, it jumped up and screamed at them.
AJ: *jumps in Nick's arms*...*looks at Nick* .... *kicks and screams wildly*
Nick: *drops AJ on his ass and runs back to the street* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
Brian: HOWIE JESUS HOLY MOTHER MARY OF GOD!!!!!!! *follows Nick*
Kevin: *punches scarecrow in the face as a first impulse reaction*
A little while later, after the scarecrow had assured them he was not evil and there were no hard feelings. Howie was awakened by the nice scarecrow's wife, who just so happened to be a nurse and has smelling salts available. And they found Nick and AJ hovering, shaking badly in the bushes, they were on their way to the next house ....
Nick: *bounces* Candy candy candy!
AJ: Why did I agree to let you stop at Starbucks on the way over here?
Kevin: Not so fast! God I'm looking at these people's lawns, so green and so full … *a dog comes by and starts sniffing Howie*
Howie: Well hello there! *dog bites Howie*
Howie: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! I'm not a real burrito! Get off! *Howie runs down the street*
AJ: Where's Kevin gone to now? Kevin: 36...37...38... AJ: Kev!
*Brian comes running up to them*
Nick: Where've you been B-Rok?
Brian: Some kids decided to throw rocks at me
Kid: Hey! There's the old goof dressed as a gnome!
Kid #2: Get him!
*Brian hides behind Nick and AJ*
Kid: Hey look! A mutant rabbit and a giant clown! *Howie continues running from the dog*
Howie: Someone help!! Please!!
Kid #3: Hey look! A giant burrito!
Kid #1: Get him!!
AJ: Mutant rabbit...I knew I should've dressed as Frank-n-Furter.
Kevin: "Its just a jump to the left..."
AJ: Oh God...
Nick: “Let’s do the timewarp again!!!!”
AJ: Okay next house *Kevin, Brian and Nick begin doing the Timewarp dance*
Ding Dong *no one answers the door*
Howie: Maybe they're not home ...
Nick: Nah man, they've got a Jack O'Lantern out here and I can see a light on upstairs *bangs on the door* OPEN UP AND GIVE US OUR CANDY!!
Brian: *sings* Backstreet's Back ... atyourdoor!! And we want some candy!! Trick or Treat!! Chirp Chirp!!!
Kevin: SHUT UP Brian!!!
Nick: *rings the doorbell again* Heeeelllloooooo!! We can see your light onnnnnn!!!
*a woman finally opens the door wearing a lot of pleather and holding a whip*
AJ: Trick or ... HELLO!!!
Howie: *faints again*
Brian: *runs away screaming* MY EYES!!! I SAW NOTHING WIFEY I SWEAR!!! Ooooh!! Look!! Little gnome buddies!! *sits in the garden with other gnomes*
Woman: Ya ... we don't have any candy and we're a little busy so if you could just get off our property ...
AJ: Wellll ... if you don't have any candy ... I could think of another treat you could ...
Kevin: We're very sorry to disturb you! Nick, pick up Howie and let's go!
Nick: Aw, but ...
Kevin: NOW!! Let's go AJ!
AJ: Can you whip me just once??
Nick: *pokes his head inside the house*
Woman: *whips Nick*
Nick: AAAAHHHH!!! *grabs Howie and runs off*
AJ: Oh she's NASTY!!
Kevin: We're LEAVING!! *grabs AJ buy his bunny ears and starts dragging him away* Very sorry!!!
AJ: CALL ME!!!
The boys walk through the gate of a large house with a pink hummer on the drive
Kev: Now THIS looks promising...
AJ: The LAST place was promising
Nick: No she was scary man
AJ: I like scary
Kev: Just look at that lawn *sigh*
Brian: Its a proper "gnome" from "gnome"... get it?
Howie: Just kill me now... someone please
Nick: Who ruffled your lettuce Burito Boy!?
*Nick rings the bell*
*The door opens..... a small Chihuahua is at the door*
Brian: Hey little dude! I love small dogs... aww look it has a tutu on!
Howie: I am not being savaged again
Nick: That was too funny dawg
*Howie backs away and falls backwards down the steps*
*The boys roar with laughter*
Howie: help... I cant get back up!
Nick: Just leave him there, he’s not going anywhere! My priority right now is candy, *sings* I WAAANT CANDY!.
AJ: Listen little dog, do you have an owner?
*A person appears behind the dog, its Paris Hilton... she has no make-up on*
AJ: OOOOHHHHH F*CK!
Kev: Ohhhhhh dear
Brian: GOTTA GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
*The boys run, falling over Howie at the bottom of the steps. Nick stands dumbfounded*
Paris : I like.... Love clowns... they are like so hot.... come like entertain my friends
Nick: Noooooo help meeeeeeeeeee!
*She grabs Nick by the hair and drags him inside*
Nick: *kicks and screams* GUYS!!! HELLLPPP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
The door slammed shut drowning out Nick's screams while the guys, just stood there starting at the door, then at each other, then back at the door.
Brian: NOOOOOOOOOO!! Not my BFF!!
Howie: What do we do?? *notices tinker bell sniffing him*
Howie: Oh come on not again! *the dog bites him, Howie can't get her off*
AJ: I think I have an idea.
Howie: Get off! Get off doggy!
AJ: Where's Kev?
*Brian points to the ground where Kevin is*
Kevin: You are so soft, yes you are, nice soft turf.
Suddenly, the door is thrown open again and Nick comes sailing through the air, skidding on his ass on the sidewalk. He comes to a stop just in time for the fuzzy, red wig he had been wearing to smack him upside the head. To top things off, Tinkerbell walks over and hicks his leg and pisses all over him then runs back in the house. The door slams shut.
Nick: EWWWWWWWWW!!!! Why did I always think that was a girl dog? *scratches head*
AJ: I thought you were a goner for sure dude!
Nick: *gets up and brushes self off and plops the wig back on his head* Eh, I just told her I had a tiny dick and was outta drugs...that's all it took. I don't even think the Parisite realized who I was.
AJ: Good, quick thinking, tellin’ her the truth there buddy...*snickers*
Nick: Hardy har har... can we get the f*** outta here now?
*Kevin has now stripped himself and is rolling around on the lawn* Kevin: Ahhh such SOFT grass, soft little pieces of grass.
Paris: *from inside* And get your naked friend off my lawn!
Kid: Hey!! It’s the giant burrito guy!
Howie: Oh God not again….
Kid: Get him!!