Before I begin, I would just like to fore warn any potential new readers of a couple of things. #1 I tease because I love. This is a humour site and it’s all meant to be very tongue and cheek., so try not to get too offended. #2 This is not gonna be your typical review with a play by play of everything that happened. Although there will be some spoilers so if you don’t wanna know, I’d stop reading now.
It was a hot night on the 9th of June when I went to see NKOTBSB in Toronto. They’d been asking me since that fateful American Music Awards performance, “can’t you see, can’t you see, N-K-O-T-B-S-B?” It was then that I could finally say “Yes, I can see you, please stop harassing me!” It was the second of two shows in
We were seated in what I was jokingly calling “The Squirt Zone” (aka the tip of the penis). Turns out … not a joke. That’s right, the penis stage jizzes on you. Not even five minutes into the show and streams of white and silver were shooting out at us. Now I know everyone was very excited but DAMN!! I thought it would hold up longer then that. And I’m not really sure what the silver was about. I’m a little concerned that someone’s picked up some funky STD over the years and now things just aren’t quite right down there.
Now you’ll notice that I said that I WAS calling it The Squirt Zone, as in past tense. After having spent an entire show there I am now calling it “The Death Zone”. In other words, if you are sitting there, prepare to die! Now of course I don’t mean literally, obviously I’m still alive if I can type this out but, it gets CA-RAY-ZAY down there. First you’ll have to manage to survive the high levels of sexiness, and believe me, from that close, the sexiness is quite overwhelming. Then you’ll have to survive the fact that Backstreet Boys and at least one New Kid WILL pass RIGHT by you. I now know what it’s like to have Nick Carter walk two feet in front of you when you’re in an arena filled with 20,000 girls who want to bang him. NOT. CUTE. Even with Nick’s unreasonably high level of good lookingness. My advice, elbows up and start hitting bitches. It’s the only way they’ll learn.
The camaraderie between the boys is very endearing … and sometimes a little creepy. Take the end of this particular show for example. First
All in all I must say that I really did enjoy the show. The Boys were fantastic as usual and the New Kids gave me plenty of opportunities to go pee or sit down and relax, check my phone and chat to the people. Although some of the sounds that come out of those guys, YIKES! I’m fairly sure at one point there was a note sung so high, only dogs could hear it. Someone should really ask if they have to be kicked in the nuts before they sing like that. Although I’ve yet to hear Nick being asked if he’s ever licked a battery so, I won’t hold out hope. Anyhoo, I had a TON of fun, if you get the chance you really should get out and see it for yourself. But if for some reason you can’t, then I hope this noisy review gave you a little more insight into what Boy-Band-Palooza 2011 was really like. TTFN my friends!