10.22.2010

Dear BSB: This Is What Happens When You Break Unbreakable

(Dear BSB photo credits are kaos-online.com unless otherwise mentioned.)

Thanks to everyone who made it to the party last night! We had a great time talking over the latest drama, Halloween piece ideas, and presenting the first BNP awards! (Special thanks to Lady V for presenting, and Sam for designing our awards--which you can see in our siggys on TDS!)
We'll be doing another BN chat in the future, so stay tuned for details.

Until then, we continue our Dear BSB retrospective with "Dear BSB: Now about Unbreakable...."

Dear BSB,

It has come to our attention that you’ve been let off the hook on previous albums. Gelagirl thinks we need to address this immediately.

We also figured “how busy could you possibly be with a world tour, a new album, and swine flu?”
So we’d like to discuss Unbreakable with you…ya know, when you eventually forgive LD? Or stop joking about it? Or run out of “is he joking/isn’t he joking/ AHHHHH life is over if Nick hates LD!” threads to read.
Not that the rest of us aren’t greatly enjoying chatting in them.

First, I’d like to say I’m confused by the cover art—you’re unbreakable, which is great…but then why does the album cover feature segmenting string art? Not to be a pain, but it kinda, um, breaks up the image.
Also, my album had a cardboard sleeve, and was not unbreakable.

It was highly coffee stain-able though.
My copy of Unbreakable now features abstract mug art I’m planning on telling non-BSB fans was an existential design done by Nick himself as a commentary on how damaging show business can be.
Because sometimes he gets deep like that.

So this album gets carted back and forth to work in the cool plastic flip case to Never Gone, which makes me go “awwwwww, but Kevviiiiinnnnn….” Which is depressing at 8am before your coffee—which is not the arch nemesis of the Never Gone case, thankfully.

But most of that probably wasn’t your idea.
Now the inside of the case with Brian posing with a little white dog, AJ with half of someone’s leg next to him, Howie in a sweater vest a la 1996, and a visually joke about Nick’s butt needing two chairs…that’s a whole new can of worms.

Album art aside, let’s talk music.

“Intro”:
Um, confusing? You sound pretty!
But…why? Is it like a bookend thing, one song at the front, full song at the end? Because I have the deluxe edition (dang cardboard) with two extra songs, so that really doesn’t work.
But you sound pretty!

“Everything But Mine”:
“Time takes time.” That’s very philosophical.
And true.
We need to start a new school of thought: BSB philosophy, where “time takes time,” “loneliness is tragical,” and “empty spaces” fill things “up with holes.”
Oh wait.
That’s called common sense.
And really, when I hear “tell me why”, this is not the song I think of. It’s Nick cutting loose in the middle of a certain inexplicable airport in a black coat….
Sorry, I’m back now.
Why does it sound creepy when AJ says, “You don’t have to be afraid/ Of somebody else’s touch”? I AM afraid of AJ’s touch! I think he’s trying to convince me because he’s got baaaad things on his mind! My mother warned me about men like you! Back! Back!
I’d be more convinced if this was Brian. AJ would be waaaaaay too much for me. I’m a shy girl!

“Inconsolable”:
“I memorize the numbers so I cannot make the call.” Am I hearing that right? Huh?
Most of us memorize numbers to make calls.
Except guys who never call.
Oh, are you THAT type of guy?
Ah, only track three, and already Unbreakable is the HELP! I’M DESPERATE FOR A GIRL album.
Little hint: memorize numbers and make calls.

“Something That I Already Know”:
“Seven days”, “seven nights”…it’s the Noah’s Ark of relationships! Don’t worry, the rain ends soon.
“I can read your mind/ Baby you’re not in it.” Hmm. Not in the relationship? Because the way this is phrased, it sounds like Baby’s not in her own mind. She’s out of her mind?
Well, she is breaking up with BSB, so that must be true.
“All the ways/ We almost made it but we never did.” BSB philosophy strikes again. We almost…wait for it…wait for it…oh. No. We didn’t. Oops. Now empty spaces are filling me up with holes, and that’s tragical.

“Helpless When She Smiles”:
“She’s so hard to hold/ But I can’t let go.” That’s some grip you’ve got then. Generally things that I can’t hold, I drop.
And um, “she opens up just like a rose to me/when she’s close to me”…questionable. Is this a Georgia O’Keefe thing? Because ew.
Don’t know about everyone else, but I would so abuse the privilege if BSB was helpless when I smiled. I’d have to register my grin with the government as a weapon.
Oh, and p.s.: Later when you think it’s a good idea to do ANOTHER song called “Helpless”, LD would appreciate it if someone would chirp up: “Wait, we have a song called that!”

“Any Other Way”:
Oh, AJ found “wasted space” on this album. Does this replace the “empty space”?
You can’t imagine it any other way…but you’re living in the other way, if she’s gone, right?

“One in a Million”:
My brain always plays the pageant song from “Miss Congeniality” when I see this title, and then I realize “oh, nope, it’s the song about the frappe girl.” Wish there had been a video for this one, with you guys in Starbuck’s aprons, bursting into song.
“I wish I could tell her.” Have you tried? Or did someone hit the mute button on BSB that day?
Because you’re singing without a problem.
She might not know how beautiful she is…because you aren’t telling her. Common guy mistake.
Try telling her: she’ll look your way a lot more often.
No Howie, not “someday I will tell her.” Tell her now!
Or…we could go into the chorus again.

“Panic”:
No, she isn’t letting “seasons change” because you “let her down”, but um, sorry is not enough. Try flowers. Or fixing whatever the heck you did now.
Because by the time this girl makes it to “Bigger” on the next album…she’s dumped you and you’re stuck with Shawty.
So I’d try to patch things up and stop bemoaning that you’re “already dead/ I already said/ I’m sorry.”
Because at least she keeps coming back to you, and she might own a radio. It can get sooo much worse.

“You Can Let Go”:
And every girl who bought this album stormed home to call her boyfriend and yell, “WHY DO YOU NEVER SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO ME?!”
Yes, Brian and Howie, we would like you to hold us tight and make it alright. We’re gonna start a line for this now. Ladies, please be sure to stay separate from the Nick “holding and saving” line for TIU.

“Trouble Is”:
And inexplicably…Brian managed to drug everyone into doing a country song. Huh?
Yeeeehawwww! Break out the tooled leather boots and horses!
“How fooled was I/ Into thinking I was going to be okay, alright, fine.” Howie dear, we get the idea. Stop tacking on words.
And stop getting everyone else involved in that.
Also, please see the “Helpless” note. Two songs with “Trouble” in the title is just confusing. I spent a good half hour on the forum trying to figure out WHY everyone thought Nick was walking around like a predator in this song, because it sounds pretty innocent to me.

“Treat Me Right”:
Is it the 80’s, or are we stuck in an arcade game that involves a LOT of clapping?
“Pitiful”, “hypocritical”…nice rhyming boys.
If she’s no good for you, why would you want her to treat you right anyway? Just move on!

“Love Will Keep You Up All Night”:
That sounds like a threat.
Is it a good one or a bad one? I’m not sure. If AJ was threatening, it’d be a lot clearer.
“It’s not something you can decide.” Really? I get no choice? None? What if I just want to be “okay, alright, fine”? Can I just call Howie?
Nick, it does scare me when you purr “I don’t want to scare you/ But everybody has a first time/ One day when you’re old and grey/ Don’t look back and ever say/ You should have tried/ Stayin’ up all night.” If you’re doing that crooked grin thing while singing this: You dirty boy! Go stand near AJ and his touch!
Otherwise, we’ll just start another line. Sigh. Everyone for staying up all night with Nick…aw heck with it. It’s the blond one’s fault!

“Unmistakable”:
I was at Never Gone when you hit Boston area, and you did mistake me! Try again? I was waaaaay back in the nosebleeds, so you might have not seen me.
I just love this song.
Except that I always want to spell it “Unmistakeable”, which I think would mean “unable to be able to stake down,” and that’s just repetitive, not to mention gross.

“Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon”:
This is just baffling. What’s wrong with Sunday? It’s Nick’s football day.
Oh, I see “the one you love to hate/ Is made for you.”
And why is Nick waiting for a phone to ring? I thought his phone was glued to him. Sorry, Blackberry.
For a group of guys who “can’t explain,” there seems to be a whole song about it…Explaining.

Now, I have the deluxe (dang cardboard case), so I have two more here. Which I loved, and was sad to think other people may have missed.

“Downpour:”
Water on the skin, washing away, feeling the rain…oh, you mean the original “Drowning” video? Or “Quit Playin’ Games”? We’re just happy any time you guys get near copious amounts of water.
So please, indulge this whim: go find some more white shirts, some hoses, a thunderstorm, puddles…. Let’s just keep the karate moves to a minimum this time. It’s not dancing.

“In Pieces”:
Welcome to the ultimate break-up song. “I don’t want to be somewhere/ Where you can watch me as I bleed/ Just leave me here in pieces.” Hate to say it guys, but wait till you see the amount of bleeding you do on the NEXT album.
It makes this seem like a paper cut.
“I can’t take the chance of running into/ You running into me.” Once I got my brain around that one, very nice. I’d treat you to a round of applause, but I used it all up on “Treat Me Right”.

So in retrospect, are you Unbreakable?
YES! And no one broke bones on this tour either, right? Good job!
Wait a minute. Is this the tour where Howie punched Nick in the nose?
I’ve gotta take points off for that.
Now please explain to us how to abbreviate this album into an annoying acronym to confuse other fans so they feel inferior…Un-B? UB? UBA? UNBA?

It’s like trying to remember how many m’s, l’s, i’s, and n’s are in Millennium (counts…yeah, that looks right), but…

I B Happy.

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