Nick's Noisy Birthday: Round 2

Happy Birthday Nick!! We Noisy Girls are just SO excited about all your new songs. Not that we listened to any of them that have been leaked or anything ... no no ... we would never do that! We just ummm ... GUESSED that uhh ... the whole ... "I'm Taking Off" thing had to do with space ... we saw some stuff on Twitter and uhhh ... well, we're just naturally brilliant like that.
Anyhoodles, we hope that you and all our noisy follwers enjoy this piece inspired by your new album!! :)

The boys were hard at work in the studio, but it was Nick's birthday and so Brian, AJ, and Howie had a few surprises up their sleeve for Nick. They were all ready to get the party started but they couldn't find Nick anywhere. Then they heard some strange noises coming from the back room ...

Nick: VROOOM VROOOM!! Time for warp speed team!!!

Brian: *Hears noise* Hey fellas... what's that noise?

Howie:*checks hair for the millionth time* Dammit! #72 won't stay in place! *looks up* What?

AJ: Rainbows, puppies and kittens lollipops, clowns and cake … mmm … cake

Nick: Oh no!! Aliens!!! PEW!! PEW!!!

Brian: *Walks around corner* Oh my goodness! Nicks got a rocket!!!!!!

AJ: I wonder if they made Nick's birthday cake yet

Howie: Look... I think Nick is reliving the Larger than Life video...

Nick: Hey guys!! Come join me in my rocket!!

Brian: Cool! *runs over* Nick!!! Nick!!! Can I play!!!?

AJ: I could actually use a smoke right now...NO! Bad Alex, more happy thoughts

Nick: Sure Rok ... you can be Spock!! Hehehehehe! That rhymes.

AJ: Ballerinas

Howie: *looks at Nick like he's lost his peapickin mind*

Brian: But Spock's strange... can’t I be Kirk?

Nick: No, I'm Kirk!!

Brian: But.... Niiiiiiick! *frowns*

AJ: Can I play? I wanna be Hans!

Nick: Hans?? That's Star Wars AJ!! I’m playing Star TREK

AJ: Oh...well then screw this!

Brian: Hahaha *points at AJ* You can’t play now! *jumps in beside Nick*

Nick: It's my birthday Brian!! Come on ... be Spock!!!

Howie: I gotta go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.

AJ: must.resist.smoking.urge

Brian: Live long and prosper dude! This is awesome!

Nick: Alright ... so we just entered warp speed and I'm trying to defeat the aliens

Brian: *shouts* Raise shields!!!

AJ: Where's that cake?

Nick: Cake? There’s no time for cake!! We have an alien army attacking this ship!!

Howie: *comes back in carrying Nick's rocket-shaped cake*

AJ: CAKE!!!!

Nick: D ... please tell me you didn't have that in the bathroom with you?

Howie: *winks*

AJ: That's just nasty

Howie: Where else was I gonna hide it!?!

Nick: DUDE!! ... Do you KNOW what I do in there??

AJ: Okay that's it I’m having a smoke

Brian: AJ just ask yourself... what would Jesus do?

AJ: He would want me to be happy *puffs*

Brian: *gets up and inspects cake* Howie is that chocolate cake?

Howie: Ok fine... don't eat the chocolate cake with ice cream filling. Don't bother me none.

Nick: Ice cream??? ... hmmm

Brian: AJ can’t play rocket ship or have the cake... best light up that smoke dude LOL

AJ: Ice cream??? Shut it choir boy, GIMME THAT CAKE!!

Nick: *grabs a fork and shoves 10 bites down throat*

Howie: Careful! You'll give yourself a brain freeze!

Brian: Woah! Woah!!! We were supposed to say grace NICK! *glares*

AJ: GRACE! Happy now?

Nick: *talks with mouth full* Sorry!

Brian: *shakes head*

Howie: EWWWWW! Cake spit!! *wipes face and busts out Purell*

Nick: hehehehehehe! *licks Howie*

Howie: EW EW EWWWW!! *dumps Purell over head*

Brian: *jumps back in rocket* Hey Nick... I’m.... *snorts* I'm.... taking off!!!!! *looks astonished* I am so damn funny!

Nick: *shoves down 5 more bites of cake* Wait for me!! I'm the captain!!

AJ: I know! Every time I have an urge to smoke, I shall pull Howie's ear

Howie: Wait..what the hell do I look like? A security blanket?

AJ: *tugs*

Brian: *starts bouncing* Beam me up Nick!!!! Beam me up!!!

Nick: Kirk!! You gotta call me Kirk!! We're playing Star Trek!!

Brian: Ok ok... Spok to Kirk... one to beam up!

Howie: But ...wasn't the line "beam me up Scotty"?

AJ: *pulls Howie's ear*

Nick: Scotty?? There's no Scotty in Star Trek!! Howie!! You gotta play right!!

Brian: *glares at Howie*

Howie: *sigh* I. give. up. *goes back to the bathroom*

AJ: Star Trek is lame, no Darth Vader, I mean come on!

Nick: Alright ... Spock ... prep the lazers!!

Brian: *picks up a stick and points it at AJ* It’s set to stun!

AJ: And I wanted to be Hans! *pouts*

Howie: *comes back out* I wanna play! Can I be Jabba The Hut?

Nick: Jabba the?? ... STAR TREK!!! ... NOT WARS!! ...UGH! … AJ ... you can be the chick ... I can't remember her name but ... there was definitely a chick in Star Trek

AJ: Do I get boobs?

Howie: Like I know these movies apart! I'll be whoever you want Nick.

Nick: Alright ... Howie can be the dude with the cool glasses that go all around his head

AJ: Levar Burton?

Howie: Glasses? Shouldn't AJ be that dude?

Nick: NO! ... AJ is the girl ... the one with the weird name ... Uhora or something

AJ: Did you just call me a whore?!

Brian: Oh boy

AJ: I am not a whore, you're the biggest whore of them all!

Howie: Ok.! AJ! Don't make me go all Kevin on your asses!!!!

Nick: Or wait ... Howie do you wanna be the guy with the ridges on his head?

Brian: The green one? Howie should be the green robot man!

Howie: Ugh … fine! But this guy better have superpowers or something cool like that!

Nick: Spock!! Make them stop questioning the captain!!

Brian: *mind melds with Howie* You are a green android called Data. You are very clever but have no emotion

Nick: Ya ... that's perfect for Howie!

Howie: Data? OOOO I like that name! I'm full of all kinds of data...like with my condo sales and all!

AJ: Ya, he's pretty much just boring all around

Nick: Alright now ... the alien army is coming ... we need to prepare ourselves!

Howie: *tucks head between knees*

Brian: Arm fazers!

AJ: I'm going to the bathroom

Howie: AJ!!! I wouldn’t if I were you!!! Too many beans on those tacos last night … I knew better than that too..

Nick: No time for bathroom breaks now Uhora ... we're about to go into warp speed!! *pushes a bunch of buttons*

AJ: Stop calling me a whore you little bitch!

Nick: DAMNIT!! I'm the CAPTAIN ... you can't call me a bitch!!

AJ: William Shatner

Brian: Aliens! Starboard side captain!


Howie: There's torpedoes in space?

Brian: Firing torpedoes!

Nick: Sure there are!! Why not?

AJ: *hides*

Howie: I just thought those were only in water… of all people YOU should know that Nicky.

Brian: Howieeeeeeee you're spoiling our game!

Nick: Exactly!! Just go with it. Now you're supposed to be a little green robot!!

Howie: Ugh! Fine. I'll just sit here and look pretty.

Nick: Pretty?? Pfffffffftttt! *snickers*

Brian: You find green robots attractive?

Nick: Ok, give me the specs Data!!

Howie: Specks of what? I don't have dandruff!!!

Nick: The specs!! Of the ship!! What's the condition?? They're firing!!

AJ: If I were you I'd be more concerned about that bald spot where hairs 50 through 61 used to be

Howie: I use conditioner! I can run home if you need it!

Nick: *shakes head*

Brian: Androids don’t use conditioner!

Howie: Well then, I bet they have a lot of dead ends.

AJ: I have the force

Nick: Oh no!! We're entering a meteor field!!

Brian: *whines* Nick can't we play this by ourselves; Howie’s spoiling it and AJ thinks he’s Darth Vader!

AJ: Hey I should get a tattoo of the death star when all my hair's gone

Nick: You're right Bri! AJ, Howie ... you are banned from the ship!! Please dismount immediately!!

AJ: Yeah you two would know about dismounting.

Howie: Dismount? EWW!!!

Nick: You know what I mean!!! Get off!!

Brian: *points stick at AJ and Howie* Its set to kill now, get off!

AJ: Now you're telling us to get off?? Ya, that doesn't sound any better.

Howie: Get off? You two are disturbing.

Brian: Don’t make me get the big ugly alien security dude with the temper!

Howie: AJ, I think those two need a little "time" together. Let's go have some cake.

AJ: Fine. I'm going to have a smoke and nothing nobody says is going to stop me! *leaves singing Prince's Get Off"

Nick: Ugh! Finally!

Brian: Yay! *embraces Nick* Ok ... lets go kill some aliens!

Nick: Yes! Now Spock, you'll have to help me navigate through the meteor field. I'll stear, you blast the meteors!

Brian: Ok! *points stick* This is fun! *begins singing Rocket man by Elton John*

Howie: Psssst..AJ! Let's throw rocks at the box "rocket" and yell METEOR SHOWER!!!!!

Nick: I can hear the aliens Spock! They must be in the middle of the field!!

Brian: Yes captain, I sense their presence *gets hit by a rock* Ooooooooooowwwwwwwww my nose!!!

Nick: Aaaaaah!! What the HELL was that??

Howie: *throws another rock*


AJ: *in Darth Vader voice* Luke, I am your FATHER

Brian: What!? Im hearing voices!!! God is that you!?

Howie: Nick, will you STOP mounting things! That’s disgusting!

Nick: *jumps out of the box and starts "shooting" * PEW!! PEW!! PEW!!!

Brian: *jumps out and fights like a ninja* I need no gun captain! *kicks AJ in the head accidentally*

AJ: AAAH! *takes off pants and waves ‘light saber’ around in the air*

Howie: AJ! Wrong light saber dude. Put that thing away!!

AJ: I like overcompensating. Mine glows too!

Nick: *holds "gun" up to Howie's head* Don't move or I'll shoot!!

Howie: *stops, looks at Nick, throws another rock at the box*

AJ: *whacks Brian* Yeah, feel the force!

Brian: Hi yaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! *ninja chops* Whoa! Hang on ... don’t hit me with THAT! That’s unholy!

Nick: EW!! AJ!! Put your pants back on!!!

AJ: NEVER!!!!!!!!! Yeah check this out, I know you're jealous!

Brian: Howieeeeeeeeeeeee! AJ's got his weener out!!!! *cries*

AJ: *runs and then falls and trips*

Brian: This is not supposed to be the Star Trek version of porn!

Nick: Howie!! I command you to make AJ put his pants back on!!! *covers eyes*

AJ: Its Star Whores!

Howie: *sighs* AJ, we talked about this. The pants must stay on. No one wants to see the zebra stripped skivvies or...THAT. Come on buddy. Do it and you can have a ciggerette.

AJ: Okay *eyes piñata*

Nick: Can I uncover my eyes now??

AJ: Yes

Howie: Yes, its safe. And NO AJ, you can NOT use your "light saber" for the piñata.

AJ: Damn! *walks away humming Star Wars theme*

Nick: There's a piñata??

Brian: Oooh piñata?!?

Nick: *holds "gun" back up to Howie's head* Take me to your piñata!

Howie: *points the the rocket shaped piñata in the tree* Have at it boys!

Nick: Ooooh!! *runs over and put on blindfold* Alright ... someone call ground control ... cuz I'm taking off! *picks up stick* 5 … 4 … 3 …

Howie: Ok .. maybe this wasn't such a great idea. Nick, blindfolded, with a bat

Nick: 2 … 1 … WHACK!!!

AJ: Oh god! *runs inside*

Brian: *runs over and starts whacking*

Howie: OUCH!!!! That hurts!! Stop!!!!

Nick: Ohhh!! Sorry Howie!!

AJ: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Nick: Point me in the direction of the piñata!!

Howie: Brian,YOU do it. I think he broke my arm!

Brian: *sings* I want candy! *shakes ass*

Nick: *starts swinging around randomly*

Howie: *dives into bushes*

Nick: Am I close??

Brian: *points* Come on Nick higher!

AJ: That was also sexual

Howie: Brian! WHY are you pointing!?! He's BLINDFOLDED!!!!!!

Brian: Don’t make me go get Leighanne for bible studies AJ!

Nick: Higher?? ... *swings stick above head*

AJ: How many blondes does it take to break open a pinata?

Brian: *lifts Nick onto shoulders* Jesus dude... you put on a few pounds?

Nick: It's all that cake! Alright now ... CHARGE!!

Howie: This is so not gonna end well...

Nick: *swings stick around*

Brian: *strains* hhhhhiiiiighhherr


Brian: *wobbles* To the left Nicky!!

Howie: *video tapes for later blackmail material*

Nick: Am I hitting it yet??

AJ: What is with you people and the sexual references?

Brian: What’s that smell? Have you just farted on me?

Nick: OOOPS! ... Sorry B-Rok!! *snickers*

Howie: Sorry Brian! It's all those beans last night!

Brian: Oooooh no ... thats sick dude *wobbles*

AJ: Ahahahahahahahahaha! Right by your mouth too dude!

Brian: Get down!

AJ: And move it all around

Nick: No! I’ve almost … aaaaahhh!! ... stop wobbling dawg! ... I'm gonna ... aaaaah ... aaaahh ... AAAAAHHHHHH!!! *falls*

Brian: *falls to the ground* THUD!

Howie: *facepalms*

AJ: I think you just killed Brian

Nick: *takes off blindfold* ... Did we at least get the candy??

Brian: I think I broke my leg ya'll

Howie: *walks over, takes pinata down, cracks it open and throws candy*

Nick: YAY!!! Candy! *runs around picking it all up and shoving it in pockets*

Howie: Now that I have a broken arm and Brian has a broken leg, I think this party should wrap up before we all end up in body casts or bags.

Nick: But, but ... I'm not tiiiiired yet!!! *pouts, then eats candy*

Brian: Can someone call me an ambulance? There’s bone sticking out. Oh my gosh, Leighanne is gonna kill me

Howie: Nick damn near beat her to it!

Nick: Here Bri ... have some candy!

Brian: Oooh candy! *sticks some up nostrils and pulls a face* hehehehhehe!

Nick: *runs around shooting imaginary aliens*

AJ: *lights up another cigarette*

Howie: I really should have thought this through a little better. Nick, blindfolded, with a stick and candy. I'm goin home. Happy Birthday Nick! Hope that leg heals before tour Brian! AJ...happy puffing! Goodbye!!


Howie: *walks down the sidewalk shaking head* HOW did Kevin DO it?

AJ: Yeah and I'm going home because someone there actually ENJOYS my lightsaber!

Nick: PLEASE don't take that out again AJ! Just go!!

Brian: Wait ... what about my ambulance? Somebody? Hey the doctor on star trek was a hot lady... can you call her?

Nick: Never fear Spock ... I'll save you!! *picks up Brian*

Brian: *perks up* To the medical bay!!!!!!!

Nick: *runs*


AJ's Noisy Birthday: Round 2

This piece is of course dedicated to the lovable, so damn huggable, Mr. AJ McLean. Happy 33rd Birthday old man!! *wink* But we would also like to dedicate this piece to a fan of ours named Imke. She was the only one who requested a Christmas present and unfortunately we couldn't get it to her. Plus she always says super nice stuff about us on TDS, lol. And we know she loves her some AJ, so this piece goes out to her as well :)

It was AJ's 33rd birthday, the Backstreet Boys were all at AJ's house in the middle of a different kind of intervention:

Nick: So AJ for you birthday this year, we are gonna pimp you out dawg!

AJ: Pimp me out? You don't like my clothes?? *whimpers*

Howie: You look like an overweight transvestite, Lady Gaga's not a style icon for men.

Nick: Well, we had a discussion about the outfit you wore for the NYE performance, it was not good.

AJ: Oh come on... all white... that's classic! And HOWIE ... DO NOT diss Gaga in my presence!!

Howie: White? You're not Elvis either!

Brian: We would like to add more hair on your head as well if we could, but that's not possible I guess... I tried.

Nick: You were pimpin dude, but in all the wrong ways

AJ: but... but... my monkee likes my clothes!!

Howie: *goes back to counting money*

Leighanne: I think you all need to color coordinate a little more. Maybe something with my face on it!

Brian: Yes wifey, and a Wylee scarf, that would RULE! *high fives wifey*

Leighanne:*high fives Husband* Ooooh, now what color scarf? Hmmmm...

Howie: Hey! I'm missing ten bucks! Nick!

Nick: I needed it Howie, I'm taking AJ shopping first!

Howie: With only 10 bucks? Where are you going? K Mart?

Nick: *shrugs*

AJ: *Sniffs the air* Do I smell burning??

Nick: Teehee *hides lighter*

AJ:*Runs upstairs to find burning closet* OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Howie: You're too late muahahaha


Howie: It’s gone! All gone!

Nick: *High fives Howie*


Brian: *Starts praying* Dear God may this burning clothes go to fashion disaster heaven... * continues on praying*

Leighanne:*Grabs husband's hand and prays with him*

Howie: Don't forget your orange hooter shorts


Brian: *Throws red underpants in the fire* There, this should go as well.

AJ: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! My brightly colored undies!!!!!!!!!! *collapses on the floor and curls up in the fetal position*

Nick: *Laughs like a crazy person*

AJ: It's gone... It's all gone! *wails*


Brian: Somebody get him some pants please? I can see his balls from here... God does not approve!!

Leighanne: You forgot this strange, leather, banana hammock looking contraption *throws it on the fire*

Brian: Yes wife! You're like.....awesome. Marry me again?? Let's have another tacky as hell celebration!! I mean... tacky as heaven!!! *prays*

AJ: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! *tries to save it but burns hand* DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!! How is this a birthday present??

Leighanne: *GASP* AJ!!! *drops to knees and starts praying*

Later on AJ is at the mall with Nick

Nick: AJ I have a few things picked out for you... try on this black wifebeater and tight jeans

AJ: *sigh* That doesn't seem so bad *goes into changing room*

Nick: *shouts through door* I can't keep being the tease of the group so you are going to have to step back up dude

AJ: but I only do that for my monkee now!!

Nick: AJ you ready? Come out here *gets distracted by himself in the mirror*

AJ: *walks out* Nick... stop looking at yourself and pay attention!!

Nick: *pulls some poses in the mirror* Yeah! I'm hawt!

AJ: does this look ok?

Nick: yeah dude that’s totally awesome... now stand next to me in front of the mirror

AJ: ok... are weeeee... wearing the same outfit?

Nick: *grins*

Nick: now watch this and copy ok....

AJ: I'll try

Nick: *sings "Shawty don’t know who I am... she don’t know I’m a celebrity" *puts hands down at the front of pants*

AJ: *sings* "Shawty don't know who I am... she don't ..." whoa whoa WOAH ... you want me to put my hand down my pants??

Nick: yeah AJ go for it! *starts blowing himself kisses* yeah baby that’s hot...

AJ: I haven't done that in YEARS!

Nick: come on you need to start again AJ, you are losing fans dude. You are supposed to be the kinky one!

AJ: But... but... I showed them all my undies on the cruise!! Doesn't that count?!!

Nick: *winks at self* Heeey baby *walks up to self* what’s a good looking man like you doing in a place like this?


Nick: *looks* yeah AJ try it again... remember you gotta look like you are loving it... Like this... *touches mirror* wanna come home with me?

AJ: *sticks hand in pants reluctantly* It just feels wrong...

Nick: *still looking at self* You look really good, I like the way you wink at me... I know you want it

AJ: okaaaay... this guy is about to make out with himself... I'm outta here!! *starts walking out of the store*

Nick: *serenades mirror with Boys II Men* "I'll make love to you...." *makes out with the mirror*

Meanwhile outside the mall:

Leighanne: *sets up Wylee counter outside the mall* HUSBANDDDDDDD!!!!!

Brian: Sorry Wifey, I was picking some manpurses for AJ!!

Howie: why am I here? I don't like being away from my bathroom for long

Leighanne: But I have plenty HERE! At MY counter!

Howie: *looks at Wylee scarf* you realize how expensive this is?? How about a BSB family discount?

Brian says: Hey there’s AJ! YO Jay!! Over here!!! * smiles and points to Wylee stand right outside the mall*

AJ: Oh great! Heeeeyyyy Brian and Leighanne... What are you guys doing here?

Howie: I'll give you half for this scarf *gets ignored*

Leighanne: AJ hunny, come here! We got LOADS of stuff for you! Don't we Husband?!!!

AJ: GREEEAAATTT! ummm ... so ... this is all Wylee stuff?

Brian: AJ, is Nick still in there? I saw some security going into the mall because there was some guys touching himself....*weird look*

AJ: Nick is a freak

Nick: *gets dragged past by security screaming towards the mall at his mirror* CALL ME!!!!

Leighanne: Ohhhh Nickolas *shakes head and prays for him*

Brian: anyway, wifey is right dude, we got some wonderful stuff for ya here! LOOK, here's a nice PURSE for you!!!

Howie: I'm not paying full price for this! It’s a piece of cloth for God’s sake! This won't keep you warm!

AJ: ummm ... a purse? Really?? I mean ... I thought you said NO girl clothing

Leighanne: Husband, a MURSE! You should know this by now…you've worn enough of them!

Howie: you don't actually use that, do you?

Brian: I...well....she makes me use it!!

AJ: what the fuck is a murse?

Brian: AJ it's just not a purse....it's a MAN PURSE. You can put a lot of stuff in there like....

AJ: stuff like condoms? glitter lube? jello??

Howie: *drops murse* never mind

Brian: *whispers* wifey, help!

Leighanne: It’s a shoulder bag..f.or men. You know, Indiana Jones wore one!

AJ: ya ... Indiana Jones is not really my style ... what else have you got?

Leighanne: It holds IMPORTANT things, like Skittles!

Brian: yes and BIBLES

AJ: oh right ... bibles ... of course *rolls eyes*

Leighanne: ..and plans for your incredibly GREAT vow renewal parties...

AJ: let's get through the wedding first

Brian: AJ buddy, here's a nice t shirt with my wife's face on it, it fits perfectly!! and it's PURPLE! *eating shit grin*

AJ: now ... this shirt looks ok ... who's the hot chick on the front here?

Brian: *grin* Wifey!

Leighanne: Ok…next, We have a beautiful array of scarves here. OOOO look at this pink and purple plaid one! This would look GREAT on you!

Howie: I'll take it!

AJ: I could rock a scarf *ties it around waist*

Howie: oh come on! Not fair, I want it! *jumps up and down*

Brian: You should totally rock a scarf over your egg head!!

Leighanne: Howard!! SHOOO!! We are shopping for AJ here!

AJ: egg head??

Brian: Howie, go buy some condo complex in Florida and let us do our job here!!! In the name of GOD!!!

AJ: No offence Rok but ... look who's talking!!

Brian: AJ, Wylee clothes are blessed by JESUS HIMSELF!! AND they look GOOD!!

AJ: Well that’s good because me and Jesus are homeboys you know ... we both love the gays ... and sex ... and tattoos

Brian: AJ, Jesus does not condone those things, what you do with your ass and skin is none of his business. Believe me or else Leighanne would be burning in hell by now.

AJ: I'm sorry Rok ... I can't believe that ... Jesus loves me just the way I am ... my monkee told me so!!

Brian: Uh Jay....I'm talking about JESUS the MAN, not JESUS the gay Mexican who works at Ivy and has a crush on you...

Leighanne: Hail Mary Mother of God...*prays again*

AJ: I will NOT have you talk about Jesus this way! *storms off*

Brian: AJ!! No!! Stay!! I promise I'll get you a shirt with Monkee's face on it!! Nooooo *yells until voice fades away*

Howie: *swoops in* Come on AJ! We're going shopping

AJ: Alright D ... you’re my last hope at a new wardrobe here.

Howie: Well here we are...Walmart!!!

AJ: Walmart? Come on D ... be REASONABLE!

Howie: Good stuff for reasonable prices. Come on!!!


Howie: Doesn't mean we need to spend all our money on expensive clothes. Now come on!

AJ: *drags feet*

Howie: See, these are nice clothes, here are some shirts for 4 dollars. Oh hey, look a Miley Cyrus vest!

AJ: Miley is hot ... hmmm ... it's a little tight … *stretches arms and vest rips* ... uh oh!

Howie: *hides vest* I didn't see anything! Now, over here...

AJ: Tube socks?

Howie: No, no tube socks! What is this 1979? Here Oxford socks for 5 bucks a pack

AJ: But ... I need CLOTHES … what am I gonna do with just socks?

Howie: Good point! Which is why we need to keep looking

AJ: *whines* But this store is so biiiig ... and it smelllsss ... and these people are WEIRD!

Howie: This coming from you?


Howie: *throws a pile of clothes into AJ's arms* Go try these on. Just ask the nice lady with the moustache

AJ: Oh my GOD! She doesn't have a shirt on!!! Her tits are just tucked into her pants!!!

*runs into the change room to hide*

Howie: Hey! If I am not the least bothered by that man in the garter you can handle it!

AJ: *comes out of the change room* ... Well?? *turns*

Howie: Very nice! I actually have that outfit!

AJ: Uh D ... I think these pants are giving me a rash …

Howie: Yeah sure, it’s the pants!!

AJ: It is!! Can we PLEASE go somewhere else?

Howie: Okay, fine. We actually have one more surprise, so hurry up and change!

AJ says: *calls Rochelle from inside the change room* Baby ... Ya ... it’s a disaster … Victoria Secret is right across the hall ... Meet me over there? … Ok … I gotta go!

Howie: Hurry up! You're going to miss the surprise! *drags AJ out of the mall*

AJ: Howie ... look ... a sale on ties!!! *tries to escape*

Howie: Yeah ... but too pricey! Let’s go!

AJ: But … but ... look! It's cotton tighty whities 3 for a dollar!! *tries to escape again*

Howie: I don't wear those anymore, they crush your balls

AJ: That could be ... fun...

Howie: Ya, if you're Brian

AJ: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Good one D! Um … are we at Brian’s house?

Howie: *rings the doorbell*

Brian: * opens the door and blesses AJ with the cross sign* Hello! We have a nice surprise for you bro. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. *takes a big gulp of rum and coke*

AJ: Did you just bless me??

Leighanne: He did. Now come on! *bounces*

Brian: I saw the Walmart bags and felt sorry for you.

AJ: *steps inside* so, what's the big surprise??

Leighanne: This way! *grabs AJ's hand and drags him through the house towards the backyard*

AJ: Oh no! I saw your new pool already! And I really don't wanna watch Baylee dive again! That was an hour of my life I’ll never get back!

Howie: I'll be in the bathroom if anyone needs me

Leighanne: Just close your eyes sweetie. Husband, grab his other hand. His feet are planted like last year’s tomato plants!

AJ: Close my eyes?? Look, I love you guys but ... I'm engaged ... I really can't be involved in anymore of your S&M fantasies

Brian: *blushes* I cherish those moments....but NO!! That's not it!!! Just come with me dude, I'm getting dizzy from the booze, the cruise in December got me hooked on margaritas!!!


Nick: *leaps out with a can of Red Bull in hand* SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!! I busted out dude! Those mall cops ain’t got nothin’ on me!

AJ: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! HOWIE JESUS NICK! You almost gave me a heart attack!!


Nick: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! *licks finger and sticks it in AJ’s ear*

AJ: EW!!! *pushes Nick away*

Leighanne: Nickolas Gene Carter! Stop that right now!

Brian: Nick, wife is gonna block you on twitter!!!!

Nick: NO! Please don’t do that! No! Sorry Leighanne *pouts*

Leighanne: Just watch your mouth mister! *shakes finger at Nick*

AJ: So this is the surprise? Nick is out of jail and high on Red Bull?

Nick: AJ! Look what they got for you man!

AJ: Are those ... synchronized swimmers??


AJ: Oh ... woooowwwww ... that's um ... great guys!

Leighanne: They were such a big hit at our anniversary party we decided to give them to you too!!

Brian: *jumps up and down* I know, right?? Gotta LOVE those funny looking ladies!!!

Nick: *catches sight of reflection in pool* Hey ... it’s you again ... you stalking me sexy?

Brian: OH LOOK!!! It's KEVIN!!! Oh Lord, you're so AWESOME!!!

AJ: KEVIN!?!?!?

Nick: Kev!!!!!!

Leighanne: Kevin!!!

Kevin: Hey! Happy Birthday, AJ!

AJ: *starts crying with joy* Best surprise ever!!

Brian: What brings you here, cousin???

Kevin: Hot Topic brings me here. I'm the new spokesperson.

Brian says: Cousin!! You got a job?!!!! That's wonderful!! God really works miracles!!!

Kevin: I did. And I brought AJ a $10,000 gift card.

Leighanne: Hallelujah!!!

AJ: *runs to hug Kevin* I LOVE YOU MAN!!!!

Kevin: *hugs AJ* I love you too!

Leighanne: *hugs AJ and Kevin*

Howie: *flushes*

Brian: Jesus loves us all!! *joins group hug*

Nick: *runs at the hugging group* Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! *pushes everyone in the pool*


Leighanne: MY HAIR!!!!!!

Nick: *jumps in the pool*

Howie: And now you know why I stay in the bathroom *opens can of beer and turns on mini TV*