Dear BSB: Unreleased

Dear BSB,

Wow, another October come and gone! Remember this time last year I was annoying you with questions about This Is Us?

You don’t?

The rest of us do! And I think we should commemorate that by, well, annoying you with something new. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

I think it does.

So, dear BSB, please explain the following: Unreleaseds. And you better have some damn good explanations for some of these, or my BN girls will keep saying “pred-a-THOR” every time “Trouble” comes on BSB Radio.

Which some of us can’t get, because we have Macs. *sniff, sniff*

But I can get The Dark Side board, and I took requests for this one!

*Tell Me

So let's discuss one of my favorites, "Tell Me."

Because to start with, "tell me everything you want" is damn hot. First, you clearly want to let me talk. Second, we get to talk dirty.

"Tell Me"

"You can tell me what you want"...that might be a long list. Should we go alphabetically?

Um, wait, this is AJ's idea? AJ kinda scares me...oh wait, Brian I might be able to handle. And I could bring out the freak in Nick. I don't think it's that long of a trip.

Wait. AJ wants to be my "perfect man"? Hold the phone, that might be a better offer. I could MAKE him Nick. And then bring out the freak in him. Yes, that's a plan.

You want to feel my hips? It's a little aggressive to be asking for my hips. Shakira fetish, anyone?

"How to behave"? Let's behave badly! Let me tell you what I want: I want...hmm. I could go for a chocolate shake right now. Have any of those?

Was that not what you meant?

"Relationships that never last"--*sob* I know, I know! Jerks, all of them! Yes, let's bring the freak out in me. But let's cry it out first--whoa whoa: "make a baby"? No no NO! I want to BE your baby, not MAKE a baby! Babymaking is not authorized here! Sure I'll spend my life, but a baby? It's babysitting enough to have to make sure Nick brushes his teeth!

Oh, were we not grown up enough for the real word, but we could be asking for sex? That's only about as confusing as Nick having to where a shirt because he's too young to be beefcake, but he can still ask four other men if he's "sexual" and tell me he wants to do things "your momma shouldn't know."

Ah, BSB standards. Now Nick strips on stage. He could almost strip to this song...bow bow bow bow...yeah, sounds like stripping music. This music video would have been BSB daydreaming as guys with ordinary jobs, like fast food take out window guys, janitors...and then they pull their clothes off! Take it off baby!

Wait, that's "Hologram."

*Hologram

Ever heard the saying, “tele-gram, tele-graph, tell-a-women”? Somewhere between that and “help me Obiwan Kenobi, you’re my only hope!” lies this song. And then you start singing. And the sexy late-night-club-Nick’s-dressed-all-in-black music kicks in (that might be just me).

But why is Brian “actin’ the doggone fool”? Have I ever seen a man act a “doggone fool”? How could I tell? As for “unleashing the dog”…aren’t all his dogs very, very SMALL?

And if you can’t see through all the people…why is Howie home alone with “a game I can see through”? I thought Brian was in a club…. Split personality problem? Did they leave Howie at home while they all went to a club? Are you at the club wishing you were home with that “x-ray vision”? Maybe he stole that from AJ. I do feel for you on that static though: Skype acts up on Noisy girls too. Although our Brazilian Tornado B has no trouble with interference when she calls in from Rio, while Di can’t get Skype to work for the life of her, and she’s only in Canada…. But Di would not leave Howie at home, because she developed a not so secret Howie crush during TIU tour.

Now we frequently divide into two teams: the BN contingent that went on tour and fell for how prompt and huggy Howard is, and the team that stayed home and wants to shoot him out of a cannon every time he takes down someone in chat with computer issues.

Also, I’ve never seen a “mainframe straight out the gate”. I should ask my tech friends about that. Maybe there’s some sort of maintenance I ought to be doing to keep the mainframe gate straight. But I do have a Mac, and they are low maintenance—maybe my computer does that by itself and that’s why I never noticed a crooked gate mainframe.

No offense, but what’s with the “bom bom bom”, while we’re at it? Channeling Ricky Martin? Shake that bon bon baby! But don’t “flip the switch” on Nick—turns out that energy conscious streak means he’d rather you left the lights off….Mmm.

Maybe this is really a tirade against modern technology: glitches in systems, fading holograms (which just really reminds me of that ‘N Stink song about virtual sex), not flipping switches…the rewound “bom bom” is a commentary on how we need to rewind our perceptions of energy use?

Just when I think you guys are all about happy pop tunes, you drop me into the deep end of your pool.

*Last Night (You Saved My Life)

This is Jen’s favorite, and she only tells us that every time it’s one. Or she’s thinking about it. Or we mention Nick and sheets in the same sentence. Or it’s a day of the week ending in “y”.

“Y” does she do it? “Fingernails running down your spine.” Thanks Nick. We needed the visual, because we don’t get enough from fan fic. Which incidentally, Jen abbreviates both “fan fic” and “firefox” as “ff” in chats, so we never know if she’s disappearing to reboot because her browser has gone down, or because the fan fic got so damn hot that it finally melted her hard drive.

So thank you Nick, for the 3am, sheet twisted, perfume inundated visual. We didn’t already think of you that way—it’s nice to see you exploring your sexuality on a track, you’re usually so reserved…waaaaaiiittt a minute….

Whoa, we’re dragging unborn children into this?! WHY? Stop trying to be endearing!

But Brian did want to call all day. That sounds right. We do believe Howie would answer “after just one ring.” And AJ would “try to play it off.” Not so sure I would “know every-thing.” I’m a little clueless, and would think they were just standing absurdly close to the phone. But I don’t have a tattoo on the small of my back either, or leave perfume on sheets…hey, this song isn’t about me at all! There goes that fantasy.

Let’s try something else.

*Love Is

Ugh, why, Lady V?! I have to listen to this on repeat?!

At least it’s not “Color my World.”

Love is not “kisses in a beanbag chair.” It’s 2010 now, but I’m almost positive this song was recorded loooong after 1997, the year of the beanbag chair. I guess love could be “kissin’ in the morning rain.”

I’m just never awake then, so I don’t know who they think they’ll be kissing. If I am up earlier, it’s because I’m lounging around writing in my sweatpants and Team Jacob t-shirt, which has not been high on any guy’s “sexiest moments” list as far as I know. And I happen to know that V keeps strange hours because of her job, so it’s not HER they’re kissing in the morning rain.

Also, her husband may not approve.

The stairs from “Siberia” made it back for this one. Or maybe this was a “Never Gone” reject and these are the SAME stairs?

Don’t go upstairs, guys! She’s going to take off on you! She’s going to find someone else and tell you it’s not your fault! She’s going to leave a useless note on the stairs for when you get home!

Could be worse. Like I said, this could be “Color My World.”

Or “Don’t Disturb This Groove.” *shudder

I have no questions on why this didn’t make an album. Beanbag chairs, making out in the rain, doomed stairs…this is practically a 90’s horror film in the making. And we KNOW what happens to the couple who has sex in horror films.

They die.

Like this song, but worse.

*Figured You Out

Look, taurusangel25 requested one I actually listen to! YAAAAAY!

Noisy girls wouldn’t have you “waitin’, even on a second date,” Brian. So you know. We usually appear in a timely fashion.

Okay, most of the time.

Some of the time.

We might steal Nick’s keys and phone though. Those would sell for a LOT on ebay! We could fund the site for years that way! We could buy a BN corporate building…have offices…a BN hotline you could call…. Wonder if Emma would move TDS corporate offices in with us…we could have the BN/TDS office building. Oooh that sounds fancy. And like a crazy party. We’d invite Nick over, of course—we wouldn’t steal his good stuff and run away.

And I always like diamonds on my hands, that’s not exclusive to being a bad girl. Maxxing out a credit card though…what would I even buy that would drain a BSB account? Okay, Kevin’s I might be able to spend. I could buy Manolos. Or Tiffany. But Brian? He’s got a never-ending stream of scarf money! And Howie’s in real estate! There’s no way I could spend all of Howie’s money! I’d need to buy China!

Or a tropical island.

With Nick on it.

And a lot of lawyers to keep Howie from suing me.

But this isn’t about me.

It is a bouncy song though. And unlike “Hologram”, it does not sound like a BSB strip tease. But “hanging around” like puppets…secret ‘N Sync code? Hmm.

*Trouble

Leave it to the Noisy girls to forget to request their own theme song. We even have a parody of this written!

And we forgot all about it.

This song caused me a lot of “Trouble” when it first leaked. (Really, the BSB ship has a lot of holes in it—should they really be going on a cruise?) I saw “Trouble”, and thought, “oh ‘Trouble Is’. Wait, why is Nick walking around like a predator? ‘Trouble Is’ sounds like a country song! ‘Half naked’? ‘Sexy candle’? I never noticed that about ‘Trouble Is’!”

Yeah. Because it’s not.

Instead the Boys break out enough electronica to spice up a video game, and sing about half naked women who are hot for them. And Nick says either, “she like to model for me,” or “she’d like to modify me.” Given that three Noisy girls can’t think of anything to modify…we’re going with “model for me.”

Then AJ shows up with the infamous “sexy candle” and his “pain is just pleasure with the volume up/I want it louder.” Lots of debate over that one. Marquis de Sade, anyone? We thought AJ was loud anyway—I’m afraid of how loud he might be when he gets loud with his volume up. Can I get a remote with a mute button for that? I’d entertain modeling for Nick, but I don’t want to play with AJ’s volume buttons.

I’ll leave that to Lady V.

“I’m spending all my money on her”—Nick has money left over from “Figured You Out”!

Is he secretly in real estate too? I’ve secretly always thought Kevin probably collects Nick’s check, puts it in the bank, and gives Nick an allowance that goes toward wheatgrass shakes, WoW gnomes, plaid shirts, and neon sneakers. You know, like Backstreet milk money.

Maybe that’s why Nick still has cash to spend.

*Evergreen

Uhhhh, okay Sandra. This is on my ipod because…I don’t know what to do with this. “Dealing out the cards and eating them like ice cream?” If I had ice cream cards, I’d be happy. Wonder what flavor diamonds are.

That’s just downright Alice in Wonderland.

You are not “every hu-man”, Nick. Jen complains about it allll the time.

And your eyes are blue, not green. We’re buying you a mirror for your birthday.

We’re afraid AJ has been taught, and that’s why he knows. We’re also scared of what he knows.

We think the government may want to look into what AJ knows.

And he is not the tallest man. Not even after Kev left, AJ. You don’t fool us!

“The truth is stranger than fiction.” And that was a good movie! This song though…it makes no sense until you yell halfway through, “you’re a walking contradiction!”

And then it only sort of makes sense—aren’t you talking about YOU the whole song? Are you talking to yourself now?

Hmm. “Evergreen.” Ever young? Ever jealous?

Ever make sense?

For some reason, my ipod registers this as “00—Evergreen”, so even my playlist looks like it has huge, shocked, possibly skeptical eyes when it pops up.

That sums it up quite well.

*Helpless

Lboogie has been making Dear BSB requests since the very first letter, and this was her request.

I forget it’s unreleased, because I’m a Nick fan with a song sorting problem…so this is purposely listed as being ON This Is Us in my iTunes.

Because Nick would want it that way. What if he spots a Noisy girl at a concert, sweeps her backstage, and my ipod is in the Noisy rental car they use for the getaway? I don’t want to ruin anyone’s chance because “Helpless” was floating alone in the limbo of “singles” on my playlist!

Not to be confused with “Helpless When She Smiles.” Because none of us did that….

It’s nice to know Nick has a face-shaped hole in his heart. That sounds painful. These guys are like swiss cheese with all the holes they get in them, album after album.

You know, this song should have made the album just so we could see them try to dance to the chorus. They’d have to resort to flailing around at top speed, or jumping up and down like Mexican jumping beans. Heehee.

Of course, Howie gets the sappy verses, and AJ gets the lead-in to the rap.

Really, we just want to know who does the heavy breathing.

*Fallen Angel

Poppy is inflicting this one on me, which makes me think of a sci-fi video. There’d be a dark, Gotham-like city…a girl with big, shiny, ink purple-black wings swooping down on the poor guys as they wander the city. Like a really ticked off harpy.

Because they play in traffic a lot in their videos.

No idea why this one didn’t make an album, because it’s not half bad. It’s better than say, “She’s a Dream.” But most songs are.

Although this is one more song where you “wanna know” something. You guys ask a lot of questions for being a group with AJ in it, who claims to know everything. Even if he is “unglued” in this song.

Oh, and “forever is a long way down.” Because in Backstreetland, “forever” is a measurement of distance, not time. No wonder they get confused and wind up being late—how do you convert minutes into miles?

And then at the end of the video, they’d take the wings off the mean girl, and she’d turn human again, and they’d leave her in the middle of the street! Or put her in a cage!

Wait, no: that’s the Miley Cyrus video.

My bad.

“The only thing worst than emptiness is when your heart’s gone.” Okay, Nick. But what’s that word later? “Bitsopobble?” What’s a “bitsopobble”?!! Is that what happens when you’re heart’s gone and now you’re empty…wait. Your heart’s gone…that’s worse than emptiness…but if your heart’s gone there’s…an empty space…so you ARE empty when your heart’s gone….

My head hurts.

Or maybe it’s my ears. Uggggh, “Love Is”!

Miss seeing a favorite here? Comment in our thread on TDS for the next round!

Dear BSB: Never Gone After HOW Many Years?

The new Dear BSB goes live this weekend (because, well, Beth decided it would), and we have a Halloween piece in the works! Also coming soon? More Dark Side chats!

For now, Dear BSB: Never Gone.

Dear BSB:

I always thought I was a good fan.
I’ve never stalked you. I haven’t camped out on any of yours lawns or gone through your mail. I own weird fan items like the giant Millennium pencil. I’ve never pretended to be married to one of you. I’ve bought every album. I cried when you cried on tv. I’ve dutifully told every *N Sync fan I’ve met how wrong they are.

So where did I go so wrong as to deserve this?

Because it would seem that despite my loyalty my little Mac notebook cannot and will not play the deluxe copy of Never Gone I obediently purchased on release day, 2005.

Now I have to sit here in 2009 with my ipod headphones hooked up to my 2004 Sony boombox rather than my sleek ipod touch in its Lamborghini yellow case, because you also haven’t posted this album anywhere online.

I understand that to be a BSB fan sometimes we have to swallow our pride, but this one hurts. Good thing I have the pretty insert photos to console me. And if I put this in the dvd player, I’d also have footage of Nick mooning the camera.

WHY OH WHY CAN’T THIS PLAY ON MY MAC?
Guess I have some questions…and maybe a little frustration.

Now for the review….

“Incomplete”:

Ah, the piano intro. Kevvvviiiinnnnn. *sniff*
Oh, here we go. “Empty spaces fill me up with holes.” Backstreet Philosophy hit #1 to Never Gone.
Nick prays “for this heart to be unbroken.” And on track one, there was swooning, while AJ is “swimming in an ocean all alone.” Yeah, I BET that happens. You get shirtless, and no one notices.
“I don’t wanna make you/face this world alone/I wanna let you go.” Eh? I thought you didn’t want me to face the world alone? Then what’s with the letting go? “I’ll never let go, Jack, I’ll never”…sorry. Wrong quote.

This is where we would have embedded the video for you, but BSBVideoVault disabled that option, and the others are not great quality. So Dear BSB, we'd like to use your videos.

“Just Want You to Know”:
Man can the guys belt this number. I blew my voice out for a good three days after screaming this one in concert. The guy I dragged to the concert was not impressed when I sounded like I had laryngitis every time he called.
“Nothing I could do could protect me from you that night.” Oh Nick, we need to have a talk: body armor, mace, bodyguards, police escort, barbwire fence, security system, restraining orders. That’ll keep most women away.
Well, if they aren’t from LD. Then it’s just a challenge: you boys play hard to get!
Oh, more “nights that never end”? You guys are insomniacs. You have “nights that never end”, and then “love’ll keep you up all night”…small wonder you needed a song called “Last Night You Saved My Life.” You were probably losing it due to sleep exhaustion! Catch some shut eye now and then! I know you’re afraid because nothing protects you from this woman, but really.
And Howie gets to vocally elaborate…for less than two seconds. Ah, the days when there were five guys and not enough good parts.
But you know what really kills me? The bridge. Because you can hear Nick lick his lips. I actually turn it up in the car when it gets to the bridge.
Hmm. Song’s over. Let’s rewind it to the bridge one more time…because I’m not discussing this video. Yikes. Leather panties, 80’s hair, and eyeliner, oh my!

And here..hmm, also no video. Because even if they said we could use it...they don't have it. HUH? Are you guys really that embarrassed?

“Crawling Back to You”:
Anyone else confuse this with “Climbing the Walls”? No? Just me then.
Hi Brian! Nice to hear from you! Where’ve you been the whole album? Also, hate to tell you: you’re too nice to break anyone’s heart.
Ah, more BSB on BSB violence. Pride spilling, hands and knees bruised, and crawling. Don’t give up your pride, guys. We’re still worried about the damage that burger King commercial may have caused.
And it’s kinda creepy that you know she’s “in there/ You can make me wait/ I’m not going away.” You know the scary girl in the last song? Yeah, you’re becoming her. But it’s nice you don’t blame her for being mad. Wait till next album, when you get ticked off over the fact that you’re “already dead/ I already said/ I’m sorry.”
STOP BANGING ON THE DOOR! No, she’s not “going to let” you in! She’s going to call the cops!
But it is nice that you let Nick go on and on in the background about being “on the floor”. Because you never give him the sexy parts. That’s why the poor boy always needs to ask you guys in concert if he’s sexual—he has image issues because he never gets the good lines…oh wait.
And oddly enough, you Boys do find him sexual; sometimes you’re downright enthusiastic about it.
Little creepy, I have to say. Stop pimping out Nick.

“Weird World”:
Yes, it is a weird world. It’s weirder still if you want to “catch a plane/ won’t buy a ticket”. All those world tours, and you guys don’t know you need a ticket for the plane? You need to have a chat with your managers.
And who gave Nick the line about having his first baby? Did he hyperventilate when he saw that, because someone should have gotten video of that for Nick's Corner.
I’m confused: “I’m closin’ my eyes/ but I’m startin’ to see/ while he’s lookin’ at you/ she’s lookin’ at me/ the only thing it does is keep me away from you.”
Say what? I’m willing to let the eye metaphor go, but does Nick have multiple personalities in this song, and how many women exactly does he think he has?
It must be a weird world: this song happened.

“I Still”:
“I still feel you/ like I’m right beside you”. That’s a ghost, guys. RUN!
Not much to say about this one, because I kinda listen and get lost in the “oh pretty.”
Wonder if they ever do that.
Let’s talk about the video instead.
Best part of the video: anticipating when someone was going to break something next. You kick that fire hydrant AJ! You break that bar mirror Kev! You smash that newspaper display Nick! You walk in traffic Brian (huh?)! You crack that taxi window Howie…oh. Edited that out, did they? Is Howie not allowed to be violent?
Things we learned from this video: prettiest shot ever on film can be as simple as Nick looking up, Brian likes to fall down in the street, Kevin makes one good lookin’ bar fly, Howie can’t decide if he wants to take a taxi or play in traffic with Brian, AJ in slow motion kinda dances like a chicken, and if you corner the Backstreet Boys in a diffusely lit alley, they will dance for their lives. But this isn’t a dancing video, so it will consist of lots of wild gesturing, and flapping of arms.
“I still” think this is one of the prettiest videos they’ve done, even if they copied it for “Inconsolable”. And “Helpless When She Smiles”. And “Bigger”.
Hmm. Think they know it’s pretty too?

Oh look: no video to put here. Stop being so stingy with the media!

“Poster Girl”:
We were so close to this album being child friendly.
Then you had to go and find a new girl, who’s the pre-cursor to Shawty.
Guys, under the column of “just say no,” please add “singing about women who ‘ride’ their ‘backs across the city’. Step away from the ho’s!
Especially the ones who want to have sex in smoky taxis, elevators…and round off her day with a good round of disillusionment and shoplifting.
AJ, you stopped when the “cameras made us”? We’re shaking our heads in disbelief here, first of all for the fact that you used a 50’s gangster term like “made us”, and secondly because we fans were pretty sure that would be your kind of thing.
(How comfortable could an elevator floor be anyway?)
I must be missing something: are the la la la’s supposed to make this sound angst-y, or did you think you were doing a rock song about this hardcore, wild girl, and management sneaked the la la la’s up on you?
“They say nothing’s forever in this crazy world/ still I’m falling in love with the right now poster girl.” Know what can seem like forever? An STD. Again, step away from the ho’s!

Wonder what Poster Girl has to say about this? Stay tuned to the site for dianne26’s Backstreet Bombshells series, entry #2 is Poster Girl’s response!

“Lose It All”:
Nick’s “got nothin’ left”. Well, not by the time Poster Girl’s done with you. You’re only human, dude.
“If I lose it all/ it wouldn’t matter anyway.” Then…why are we arguing about it? Are you apathetic, or just angry?
Oh, hi Kevin! Nice of Nick to share his album with you too!
“Just knowing you’re out there breathing/ is so wonderful.” Now, if a fan said that to you, you’d call security, wouldn’t you? But you make it sound nice.
I’m tempted to count how many times you say “lose” in this song, but that would be a lot of counting.

“Climbing the Walls”:
“Spiderman, spiderman, does whatever a”…sorry, again.
Brian, I think if you ever asked a girl to “stay with me now,” um, she would. Not very plausible.
You don’t want “to know the reason why/ I can’t stay forever like this”? That would be my first question if a chick was leaving me.
Oh good, we’re going to elaborate on the ghostly Howie vocals while Brian continues to try to convince us someone is leaving him.
Wait, HOWIE gets a part! It’s a miracle. Whoa, there’s Kev too. Was Nick sick this day? Oh there he is. Maybe he was running late.

“My Beautiful Woman”:
I will admit to it: I listened to this when it got leaked. Are we still blaming the blond one for that?
Aw, how can you blame a guy who whines so pretty? I blared this like my speakers were still under warrantee when I first heard it.
Given a good bass system, I probably would again!
Oooooh. “Let’s not talk about a possible ending.” Is this one of those paperback novel things? AND Nick wants to “fool around”? It’s my lucky day! Wait. Have they been tested since Poster Girl?
“Anything that you want me to/ I’ll do/ B is for beautiful as the sunshine.” Anything, you say? Good. Stop spelling. This is not Sexy Sesame Street.
AJ and Nick, you may continue telling me how beautiful/sexy you think I am. Just no touching till the test results come back, k?

“Safest Place to Hide”:
Guys, I’m sorry, but like “Perfect Fan”, this song is so sweet it gives me a toothache. Just can’t do it.
“Can you see me/ here I am”: Brian finally gets an obvious Backstreet Philosophy line.
No really, can’t take this song. Is it over?
Heehee: AJ says “you give me sanct-uary,” and he says it like he’s considered saying “sex” instead. AJ misses the Poster Girl track.
Kevin, you can’t save this song. Let it go. Oh, a Nick scream. That’ll help…nope. Does nothing for me on this track.
Move along.

“Siberia”:
Favorite song on the album. My mom made me play this a million times when she accidentally drove to Canada instead of Rochester—long story.
Did “Safest Place to Hide” convince her to leave you, Brian? If you’re going to Siberia, you’ll need more of those scarves you seem fond of lately. You may want to buy stock in them, actually. It’s a cold place, I hear.
Question: if your “heart did time in Siberia”, where did they send the rest of you? Was this a space/time continuum problem?
Somehow, I think I’d see a man if he was sleeping in my bed. Mainly because he’d take up all the room.
Wow, she left you a note on the stairs? Why? Did she write it while sitting on the stairs? Did she fall down the stairs trying to cart all your good stuff out with her, look up, and decide, “aw heck, I’ll just leave my pitifully short and syllabically un-helpful note here”?

“Never Gone”:
Otherwise known as “that last album track they slap on that I never listen to.”
Thank goodness they broke this trend with bonus tracks on Unbreakable, because if I had to deal with a follow-up to “Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon”, “ Never Gone”, “How Did I Fall in Love With You”, “The Perfect Fan”, and “If You Want It To Be Good Girl”, I’d just give up altogether on track twelve as the Bermuda Triangle of BSB songs.
Okay, even the Sony hates this thing: it’s remixing it. Seems if you grab the oh-so-cleverly designed double sided cd to pull it out of your cd holder…you smudge right across “Never Gone”! Yay, we didn’t hit “Siberia”!
How did this become the title track again?
My apologies to all of you who liked this track. It’s apparently the antidote to happy “I Still” daydreaming—it just puts me right to sleep.

My apologies also to those of you who loved “Lose It All” and “Weird World”. I’m baffled as to why those made the album, but “Last Night You Saved My Life” and “Tell Me What You Want” got trashed.

I want to know who was in on that vote: “a song about the Boys wanting to bring the freak out in a girl? Nah, that’ll never sell. Let’s pitch them another ballad with minimal beat!”
Um, not that I’ve ever heard of those songs.
It’s the blond one’s fault!

I’ll go back to the “Just Want You to Know” bridge and the “I Still” video.
That’ll make me feel better about “Never Gone” being “never gone” from this disc—which almost plays in a 2004 Sony boombox.

More Spoof fanfic.... Howie stars in "It's all about ME"

Hey all V here! Reposting some of my old stuff so here for your reading pleasure is the 2nd of my spoof fanfics which was a follow up to "Nick and the alien abduction" This is "Its all about ME!" starring the one and only Mr Howie Dorough!

So for the second time around... What would happen if the boys KNEW they were in fanfic?

I think it would go a little something like this....

Howie was sat in the bathroom; he had been there for well over 3 months, and was getting a bit angry.
“Why?” he said to himself with a sigh
“Why must I have to go to the bathroom and never come out in every single fan-fiction? Even when I don’t need to pee!”
He slapped himself on the forehead
“Now I’m talking to myself… for god’s sake! Well I’m not taking this shit anymore… I am going to provide more than filler dialogue dam it! I’M going to save Nick, I am going to have a huge bust up with Brian and twitter a lot and what the hell… I’m going to have sex with one of AJ’s girlfriends, get drunk and have a secret love child! It’s time for some stealth D action!”

Brian drummed his fingers on the bar… the silence was rather awkward… he looked up at Nick and then back down again, it was very quiet. AJ and his lady-friend walked over with some drinks
“Something’s missing” said AJ sitting down at the bar next to Nick
“Where’s Howie?”
“Oh shit!” gasped Nick
“He went into the bathroom a few months back in the last fan-fic, he must still be in there!”
The boys looked at each other horrified… Brian began to pray.

The bathroom door flew open with a bang and Howie marched out…
AJ stood up “Howie… man… we errr…”
BANG Howie punched AJ in the face and he fell on the floor, he grabbed AJ’s drink and downed it in one, followed by Nicks, then Brian’s. He grabbed AJ’s girlfriend and kissed her passionately. Nick and Brian sat frozen to their seats. Howie took AJ’s girlfriend by the hand and walked out of the bar with her, enjoying his AJ moment.

“Whhhaar the fnuck” said AJ who was still lying on the floor rubbing his jaw.
“He drank my drink!” he said sitting on his chair
“He took your girlfriend” said Nick gesturing to the empty chair
“He took my DRINK!” said AJ gesturing to his glass
“And your girlfriend” added Nick
“Drink” said AJ pulling a sad face
“GIRLFRIEND!” shouted Nick
“DRI…”
“SHUT UP!” shouted Brian dramatically
“This is not like Howie… Maybe he has a terminal illness? Maybe he’s discovered a love child? Maybe he’s going to have a massive friendship ending bust up with us”
“Brian” said Nick calmly “this is HOWIE… not me”
“I know that!” sighed Brian “Either way Howie was OBVIOUSLY having some kind of crisis and is in need of saving with some brotherly, Christian advice”
Nick shook his head at what was going on around him
“Hang on a minute!” shouted AJ “he took my girlfriend!”
Nick shook his head again…. “this must be what its like to be Howie” he said to himself “Hang on! why do I feel the sudden urge to go to the bathroom?”
“No NICK NOOOOO!” cried Brian “fight the urge… don’t do it we wont see you for the next 3 months”
“must. Go. To. The. Bathroom.” Said Nick getting up and walking towards it
“No Nick! Please!” cried Brian
“let me know if you need any filler dialogue” said Nick as he disappeared into the bathroom. Brian broke down in tears on his knees dramatically
“WHY?” he sobbed
“I dunno man” said AJ putting his hand on Brian’s shoulder “but there’s some weird shit going on here, we better go find Howie”

Howie had the hang over from hell… his head was banging so hard he struggled to open his eyes. When he did he was in bed, AJ’s naked girlfriend was asleep next to him and bondage gear and empty bottles of Jack Daniels were littered around his room…
“So this is what its like to be fan-fic AJ” he thought to himself gagging at the sight of the ashtray next to him.
“I like this, but I don’t feel so good”

He picked up his blackberry
“OK, Time for a little bit of a Nick moment” he smiled

BRIAN LITTRELL: @HOWIED We are worried about you man, don’t worry I will save you

“no you wont” laughed Howie “because it’s time for a friendship ending bust up”

HOWIED: @BRIANLITTELL I hate you! Why don’t you just f**k off and die

“See! I’m much better at this than Nick” he laughed

KEVINRICHARDSON: There are less than 3, 344,672 blades of grass on my lawn now; the dog dug a big hole in it. Will start again 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8…..

“Remind me never ever to have a Kevin moment” said Howie shaking his head

FRILLNECK: @HOWIED where are you? Where is my girlfriend?

Howie laughed
HOWIED: @FRILLNECK AJ I did your girlfriend last night… deal with it bitch

He scrolled down and read some more.

NICKCARTER: @HOWIED I’m off to the bathroom for the rest of the story just thought you should know, let me know if you need any filler dialogue.

Howie felt a pang of guilt at Nicks tweet…
“NO!” he said to himself jumping out of bed
“I will NOT feel guilty…NEVER! I may well be sick though” he said running in the direction of the bathroom. As he came out his phone was ringing… it was AJ
“yes that’s right bitch I did your girlfriend!” he said as he shouted as he answered
“what are you going to do about it!”
“Howie you had better forget about that…” said AJ
“come down to the hospital… its Brian”

Howie sat by Brian’s bedside praying….
“So this is what its like to be fan-fic Brian” Howie said to himself.
“Although its usually Nick in the hospital. I was hoping to skip Brian and just be AJ with a little Nick tweeting”
He dramatically dropped to his knees and cried
“Please Brian don’t leave me your friendship is everything to me, If only I hadn’t had to do a Nick and have a huge bust up with you, I feel so bad right now”
A doctor walked into the room
“Your results are back from your tests Mr Dorough” said the doctor
“Tests… what tests?” squealed Howie.
The doctor looked at him seriously
“You have a very severe case of Bathroom-dependency, if you do not return to the bathroom I’m afraid it will become terminal and you will die!”
“So this is what its like to be fan-fic Nick… I have an incurable illness, I’d better go into remission by the end of this.” said Howie angrily

Suddenly A slutty looking woman walked through the door…
“Howie I’m Candy the stripper you slept with a year ago, I would like you to meet your son Howie Jnr… I know you said our love could never work because I’m a stripper and Brian and Kevin didn’t approve but…”
“AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Another AJ moment” Screamed Howie running from the room
“I don’t like this! Now I’m starting to get the urge to count blades of grass! NOOOO! I must do a Brian and save Nick from the bathroom because he’s OBVIOUSLY having some kind of crisis and is in need of saving with some brotherly, Christian advice.”
Howie paused for a moment shocked
“Why do I have the sudden urge to scream GOTTA GO!??”
HOWIED: @NICKCARTER I’m coming to save you!

Howie managed to get to the bar from his home in under an hour, with no mention of packing, a plane flight, hand luggage or how he got there from the airport.
“wow… Brian has this travelling thing easy in fan-fic”
He sat on a bench outside and got out his blackberry to check out www.dirtyslutswithfriends.net, because he felt like an AJ moment, but he got distracted by twitter.

NICKCARTER @HowieD I don’t need you bitch! I don’t need anyone! Stop judging me! I saw what you tweeted Brian! I hate you! I’m in this bathroom and there isn’t even a Nintendo! Is THAT enough filler Dialogue for you Prick?!”

Howie had no idea why, but he was devastated. He cried dramatically, on his knees for about an hour.
“Nick, why every time Brian tries to save you must you hurt him so! It’s ok! He is your one true BFF! He loves you anyway!”
Howie sat on the floor smacking him self in the head
“God it really sucks being Brian… I’ve got to snap out of this! OOOH grass… 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO not Kevin!!!!!!” he screamed
“I need to go back to the bathroom NOW!”

Howie looked around him, the slutty woman was walking down the street towards him holding a baby, AJ’s girlfriend was walking towards him from the other direction.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH” he screamed
Howie ran into the bar and straight into the bathroom, he bumped into Nick with a thud and they both fell on the floor. Nick emotionally hugged Howie
“Thanks D! You saved me from certain doom, you are awesome man”.
Howie hugged Nick back
“It’s ok man; there is nothing worth losing our friendship… I love you! Hang on a minute… SCREW THIS! WHAT THE HELL, GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM!”
“Jesus! Take a chill pill D! Its all yours” said Nick backing away
“Here” he handed Howie a letter “the doctor said I needed to give this to you”
With that Nick walked out of the bathroom. Howie opened the letter and read it.
“I’m in remission! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY!” he screamed dancing around the hand basins.
“I’ve never been so happy” sighed Howie
“I am so glad to be back in the bathroom… things are back to how they should be. Maybe it’s not so bad being fan-fic Howie, I mean filler dialogues still quite important.”
Howie sat down “I wonder what trauma the boys are going through right now.”

Brian drummed his fingers on the bar… the silence was rather awkward… he looked up at Nick and then back down again, they were done talking about Nicks latest incurable disease, it was very quiet. AJ and his lady-friend walked over with some drinks, they had all had a huge fight about AJ’s alcoholism and secret love child.
“Something’s missing” said AJ sitting down at the bar next to Nick
“oh shit” gasped Nick “We need some filler dialogue! OH NO!”
All three boys looked at each other in utter panic
“Screw the glass, give me the WHOLE bottle of Jack Daniels” yelled AJ to the bar man
“I don’t want to go into remission this time” said Nick “cant I just die… here… now”
The bathroom door slowly began to open…
The boys looked at each other horrified… Brian began to pray

Dear BSB: This Is What Happens When You Break Unbreakable

(Dear BSB photo credits are kaos-online.com unless otherwise mentioned.)

Thanks to everyone who made it to the party last night! We had a great time talking over the latest drama, Halloween piece ideas, and presenting the first BNP awards! (Special thanks to Lady V for presenting, and Sam for designing our awards--which you can see in our siggys on TDS!)
We'll be doing another BN chat in the future, so stay tuned for details.

Until then, we continue our Dear BSB retrospective with "Dear BSB: Now about Unbreakable...."

Dear BSB,

It has come to our attention that you’ve been let off the hook on previous albums. Gelagirl thinks we need to address this immediately.

We also figured “how busy could you possibly be with a world tour, a new album, and swine flu?”
So we’d like to discuss Unbreakable with you…ya know, when you eventually forgive LD? Or stop joking about it? Or run out of “is he joking/isn’t he joking/ AHHHHH life is over if Nick hates LD!” threads to read.
Not that the rest of us aren’t greatly enjoying chatting in them.

First, I’d like to say I’m confused by the cover art—you’re unbreakable, which is great…but then why does the album cover feature segmenting string art? Not to be a pain, but it kinda, um, breaks up the image.
Also, my album had a cardboard sleeve, and was not unbreakable.

It was highly coffee stain-able though.
My copy of Unbreakable now features abstract mug art I’m planning on telling non-BSB fans was an existential design done by Nick himself as a commentary on how damaging show business can be.
Because sometimes he gets deep like that.

So this album gets carted back and forth to work in the cool plastic flip case to Never Gone, which makes me go “awwwwww, but Kevviiiiinnnnn….” Which is depressing at 8am before your coffee—which is not the arch nemesis of the Never Gone case, thankfully.

But most of that probably wasn’t your idea.
Now the inside of the case with Brian posing with a little white dog, AJ with half of someone’s leg next to him, Howie in a sweater vest a la 1996, and a visually joke about Nick’s butt needing two chairs…that’s a whole new can of worms.

Album art aside, let’s talk music.

“Intro”:
Um, confusing? You sound pretty!
But…why? Is it like a bookend thing, one song at the front, full song at the end? Because I have the deluxe edition (dang cardboard) with two extra songs, so that really doesn’t work.
But you sound pretty!

“Everything But Mine”:
“Time takes time.” That’s very philosophical.
And true.
We need to start a new school of thought: BSB philosophy, where “time takes time,” “loneliness is tragical,” and “empty spaces” fill things “up with holes.”
Oh wait.
That’s called common sense.
And really, when I hear “tell me why”, this is not the song I think of. It’s Nick cutting loose in the middle of a certain inexplicable airport in a black coat….
Sorry, I’m back now.
Why does it sound creepy when AJ says, “You don’t have to be afraid/ Of somebody else’s touch”? I AM afraid of AJ’s touch! I think he’s trying to convince me because he’s got baaaad things on his mind! My mother warned me about men like you! Back! Back!
I’d be more convinced if this was Brian. AJ would be waaaaaay too much for me. I’m a shy girl!

“Inconsolable”:
“I memorize the numbers so I cannot make the call.” Am I hearing that right? Huh?
Most of us memorize numbers to make calls.
Except guys who never call.
Oh, are you THAT type of guy?
Ah, only track three, and already Unbreakable is the HELP! I’M DESPERATE FOR A GIRL album.
Little hint: memorize numbers and make calls.

“Something That I Already Know”:
“Seven days”, “seven nights”…it’s the Noah’s Ark of relationships! Don’t worry, the rain ends soon.
“I can read your mind/ Baby you’re not in it.” Hmm. Not in the relationship? Because the way this is phrased, it sounds like Baby’s not in her own mind. She’s out of her mind?
Well, she is breaking up with BSB, so that must be true.
“All the ways/ We almost made it but we never did.” BSB philosophy strikes again. We almost…wait for it…wait for it…oh. No. We didn’t. Oops. Now empty spaces are filling me up with holes, and that’s tragical.

“Helpless When She Smiles”:
“She’s so hard to hold/ But I can’t let go.” That’s some grip you’ve got then. Generally things that I can’t hold, I drop.
And um, “she opens up just like a rose to me/when she’s close to me”…questionable. Is this a Georgia O’Keefe thing? Because ew.
Don’t know about everyone else, but I would so abuse the privilege if BSB was helpless when I smiled. I’d have to register my grin with the government as a weapon.
Oh, and p.s.: Later when you think it’s a good idea to do ANOTHER song called “Helpless”, LD would appreciate it if someone would chirp up: “Wait, we have a song called that!”

“Any Other Way”:
Oh, AJ found “wasted space” on this album. Does this replace the “empty space”?
You can’t imagine it any other way…but you’re living in the other way, if she’s gone, right?

“One in a Million”:
My brain always plays the pageant song from “Miss Congeniality” when I see this title, and then I realize “oh, nope, it’s the song about the frappe girl.” Wish there had been a video for this one, with you guys in Starbuck’s aprons, bursting into song.
“I wish I could tell her.” Have you tried? Or did someone hit the mute button on BSB that day?
Because you’re singing without a problem.
She might not know how beautiful she is…because you aren’t telling her. Common guy mistake.
Try telling her: she’ll look your way a lot more often.
No Howie, not “someday I will tell her.” Tell her now!
Or…we could go into the chorus again.

“Panic”:
No, she isn’t letting “seasons change” because you “let her down”, but um, sorry is not enough. Try flowers. Or fixing whatever the heck you did now.
Because by the time this girl makes it to “Bigger” on the next album…she’s dumped you and you’re stuck with Shawty.
So I’d try to patch things up and stop bemoaning that you’re “already dead/ I already said/ I’m sorry.”
Because at least she keeps coming back to you, and she might own a radio. It can get sooo much worse.

“You Can Let Go”:
And every girl who bought this album stormed home to call her boyfriend and yell, “WHY DO YOU NEVER SAY THINGS LIKE THAT TO ME?!”
Yes, Brian and Howie, we would like you to hold us tight and make it alright. We’re gonna start a line for this now. Ladies, please be sure to stay separate from the Nick “holding and saving” line for TIU.

“Trouble Is”:
And inexplicably…Brian managed to drug everyone into doing a country song. Huh?
Yeeeehawwww! Break out the tooled leather boots and horses!
“How fooled was I/ Into thinking I was going to be okay, alright, fine.” Howie dear, we get the idea. Stop tacking on words.
And stop getting everyone else involved in that.
Also, please see the “Helpless” note. Two songs with “Trouble” in the title is just confusing. I spent a good half hour on the forum trying to figure out WHY everyone thought Nick was walking around like a predator in this song, because it sounds pretty innocent to me.

“Treat Me Right”:
Is it the 80’s, or are we stuck in an arcade game that involves a LOT of clapping?
“Pitiful”, “hypocritical”…nice rhyming boys.
If she’s no good for you, why would you want her to treat you right anyway? Just move on!

“Love Will Keep You Up All Night”:
That sounds like a threat.
Is it a good one or a bad one? I’m not sure. If AJ was threatening, it’d be a lot clearer.
“It’s not something you can decide.” Really? I get no choice? None? What if I just want to be “okay, alright, fine”? Can I just call Howie?
Nick, it does scare me when you purr “I don’t want to scare you/ But everybody has a first time/ One day when you’re old and grey/ Don’t look back and ever say/ You should have tried/ Stayin’ up all night.” If you’re doing that crooked grin thing while singing this: You dirty boy! Go stand near AJ and his touch!
Otherwise, we’ll just start another line. Sigh. Everyone for staying up all night with Nick…aw heck with it. It’s the blond one’s fault!

“Unmistakable”:
I was at Never Gone when you hit Boston area, and you did mistake me! Try again? I was waaaaay back in the nosebleeds, so you might have not seen me.
I just love this song.
Except that I always want to spell it “Unmistakeable”, which I think would mean “unable to be able to stake down,” and that’s just repetitive, not to mention gross.

“Unsuspecting Sunday Afternoon”:
This is just baffling. What’s wrong with Sunday? It’s Nick’s football day.
Oh, I see “the one you love to hate/ Is made for you.”
And why is Nick waiting for a phone to ring? I thought his phone was glued to him. Sorry, Blackberry.
For a group of guys who “can’t explain,” there seems to be a whole song about it…Explaining.

Now, I have the deluxe (dang cardboard case), so I have two more here. Which I loved, and was sad to think other people may have missed.

“Downpour:”
Water on the skin, washing away, feeling the rain…oh, you mean the original “Drowning” video? Or “Quit Playin’ Games”? We’re just happy any time you guys get near copious amounts of water.
So please, indulge this whim: go find some more white shirts, some hoses, a thunderstorm, puddles…. Let’s just keep the karate moves to a minimum this time. It’s not dancing.

“In Pieces”:
Welcome to the ultimate break-up song. “I don’t want to be somewhere/ Where you can watch me as I bleed/ Just leave me here in pieces.” Hate to say it guys, but wait till you see the amount of bleeding you do on the NEXT album.
It makes this seem like a paper cut.
“I can’t take the chance of running into/ You running into me.” Once I got my brain around that one, very nice. I’d treat you to a round of applause, but I used it all up on “Treat Me Right”.

So in retrospect, are you Unbreakable?
YES! And no one broke bones on this tour either, right? Good job!
Wait a minute. Is this the tour where Howie punched Nick in the nose?
I’ve gotta take points off for that.
Now please explain to us how to abbreviate this album into an annoying acronym to confuse other fans so they feel inferior…Un-B? UB? UBA? UNBA?

It’s like trying to remember how many m’s, l’s, i’s, and n’s are in Millennium (counts…yeah, that looks right), but…

I B Happy.

Thank You!!

October 2009,

One woman started a revolution, and brought together a group of misfits now dubbed “The Noisy Girls”. Thursday, October 21st, our first anniversary as a site and as a family.

This site wouldn't have been possible without the woman who started it all, Miss Beth, or affectionately known as Beffel or Beff. She took an idea and turned it into reality and the rest of the Noisy Girls would like to salute their “not so fearless fearless leader”. She brought together a bunch of different, crazy ladies and created a BSB humor site to follow in the footsteps of Whodaman Inc. Now we are a family and we have Beth to thank for it.

We'd like to thank one another. Not just for being so awesome and hilarious, and motivating and inspiring some of our best work, but for being there. When we started this group, we all went in thinking it would just be a way to waste some time and write some silly pieces. Instead we ended up becoming great friends. Every night there are Noisy Girls online to talk and laugh with. Some of us have even got to meet in person! This experience would not be the same without each and every one of you. We've created something amazing!

We'd also like to thank the Backstreet Boys. We tease because we love!! We are huge fans and thanks for giving us TONS of material to work with!

Are we forgetting someone? Oh yeah duh, fans!! Without all of you there would be no noisy girls, just a bunch of nutbars on IM, which we kinda are already but we digress. A lot of you have supported us from the very beginning and you'll never know how much we appreciate that. We have so much fun coming up with pieces for you all to read, individual or group wise. We're really glad we're not the only ones laughing. So many times have we all squee'd over a new Twitter follower or how many countries were visiting our site or how many views our vids on YouTube got or if we got an affiliate request from another BSB site. And all the compliments and shout outs?? CRAZY!! You make us smile from ear to ear, literally. We love you guys!!

So to all of you out there, keep reading and we look forward to celebrating this occasion again NEXT year. BNP 2011!!!

Love, your Noisy Girls
Beth, Jen, Bianca, V, Di, Sam, Chels, Luz and Poppy

Noisy Newlywed Game

So the Noisy Girls have been at this Noisy Project thing for a WHOLE year now. That's 365 days ... 52 weeks ... 12 months. We've been through holidays, birthdays, weather changes and SEVERAL website changes. And we made it!! So how well do we REALLY know each other? Well, Little Miss Dianne decided to find out by having us play, the Newlywed Game! How does it work? She came up with 5 questions and each Noisette answered the questions about herself in private. Then we got together and answered the questions about each other as a group. Then we compared the answers. How well did we do? You be the Judge ... (fair warning, it's loooooooooong)

Bianca

Our answers:

#1 Describe Bianca in one word:
Tornado

#2 Which BSB do you think Bianca is most like and why?
AJ, because they both have spilt personalities, nasty and swearing one minute, sweet and sensitive the next, and they’re both Capricorns.

#3 Which BSB do you think Bianca is most compatible with and why?
AJ, for the same reasons as above, plus she’s about the only person who could still corrupt him.

#4 Bianca + AllBSBexceptHowie – Who’s on Top?
Bianca would be both on top of AJ and underneath Kevin … all at the same time.

#5 What is Bianca’s finest Noisy moment from the past year?
The BSB cruise video

Her answers:

#1 Describe yourself in one word:
Crazy

#2 Which BSB do you think you are most like and why?
Nick, I think we have the same kind of personality, we be crazy and shit. LOL

#3 Which BSB do you think you are most compatible with and why?
AJ, because we both smoke, drink and share our love for porn.

#4 You + AJ – Who’s on top?
AJ

#5 What is your finest Noisy moment from the past year?
Wow, tough one, but I think all of our chats are pretty much full of win, LOL!


Luz

Our answers:

#1 Describe Luz in one word:
Cute

#2 Which BSB do you think Luz is most like and why?
Howie, because they’re both short, smart, Latin, and quiet, but when they get angry, you better run!! Although we would never shoot Luz out of a cannon.

#3 Which BSB do you think Luz is most compatible with and why?
Kevin, because Luz likes her men manly, plus they could have intellectual conversations together.

#4 Luz + Nick – Who’s on top?
Luz

#5 What is Luz’s finest Noisy moment from the past year?
Her mad bowling skills in Cleveland

Her answers:

#1 Describe yourself in one word:
Optimistic

#2 Which BSB do you think you are most like and why?
Howie, I'm the quiet one, stealthy and height challenged just like him plus I'm Latin.

#3 Which BSB do you think you are most compatible with and why?
I would like to say Nick because I love video games and pets with a passion and can be funny on occasion.

#4 You + Nick – Who’s on top?
Me of course.

#5 What is your finest Noisy moment from the past year?
Becoming a rapper on Skype thanks to the laptop acting up on me. Who knew I had it in me to become the next Eminem.



Beth

Our answers:

#1 Describe Beth in one word:
Leader

#2 Which BSB do you think Beth is most like and why?
Kevin, because she takes charge and keeps us all in check.

#3 Which BSB do you think Beth is most compatible with and why?
Brian, because they’re both a little crazy, but Beth would keep Brian in line.

#4 Beth + Nick – Who’s on top?
Beth

#5 What is Beth’s finest Noisy moment from the past year?
Coming up with the idea for The Backstreet Noise Project and bringing us all together.

Her answers:

#1 Describe yourself in one word:
Quirky

#2 Which BSB do you think you are most like and why?
Howie, I would be the only Noisy girl with a purple Corvette! Except when I was six, mine was going to have pink leather seats.

#3 Which BSB do you think you are most compatible with and why?
Hmmm. Well, Brian and I both love purses. But Nick and I both like green. And AJ and I...nope. Nothing in common with AJ. Kevin and I both have sculpted eyebrows.... I'm going with Nick. We like pizza.

#4 You + Nick – Who’s on top?
Who's on first? LOL!
Me, definitely me. I'd have to hold him down!

#5 What is your finest Noisy moment from the past year?
Any of our chats--but I really loved the one night we stayed up till four am laughing at BSBuddies and reading badly translated Japanese ads.


Jen

Our answers:

#1 Describe Jen in one word:
Momma

#2 Which BSB do you think Jen is most like and why?
Brian, because she’s tons of fun and a great parent.

#3 Which BSB do you think Jen is most compatible with and why?
Nick, because she would take care of him in and out of the bedroom, and they both love football.

#4 Jen + Nick – Who’s on top?
Nick would start out on top but … in the end … it would be Jen.

#5 What is Jen’s finest Noisy moment from the past year?
Her awesome commentary and bashing of noisy girls with pillows in “To Be Or Not To Be Noisy Stuntwomen” … video coming soon!!

Her answers:

#1 Describe yourself in one word:
Momma

#2 Which BSB do you think you are most like and why?
I have to say Kevin, or Howie, I'm the oldest member of our group and I do feel like he older sister or Momma.

#3 Which BSB do you think you are most compatible with and why?
Nick, of course. I feel compatible with him cuz he's young (I'm young at heart), hot (he's hot enough for BOTH of us), sweet (yes, I think I can be sweet! :p) and I totally think we'd be compatible in bed!!

#4 You + Nick – Who’s on top?
Both, we'd take turns.

#5 What is your finest Noisy moment from the past year?
*dabs corner of mouth with napkin* Well lookie there, dinner and a show...


Chelsea

Our answers:

#1 Describe Chelsea in one word:
Sweet

#2 Which BSB do you think Chelsea is most like and why?
Howie, because she's quiet and reserved ... but we'd never shoot her out of a cannon either.

#3 Which BSB do you think Chelsea is most compatible with and why?
Brian, because they could get into all sorts of trouble together and they have good chemistry.

#4 Chelsea + Brian – Who’s on top?
Brian

#5 What is Chelsea’s finest Noisy moment from the past year?
When she went first on “Noisys On Ice” and kept in head in the ice for so long!

Her answers:

#1 Describe yourself in one word:
Shy

#2 Which BSB do you think you are most like and why?
Howie, because we're both sweet and not very talkative.

#3 Which BSB do you think you are most compatible with and why?
Brian, because he's funny and hyper. I'm calm and I like funny people. So we'd balance each other out and get along well.

#4 You + Nick – Who’s on top?
Nick

#5 What is your finest Noisy moment from the past year?
The Cleveland trip. Asking Brian and Nick to kneel for the sc pic and going up to Nick and hugging him.


Sam

Our answers:

#1 Describe Sam in one word:
Zany

#2 Which BSB is Sam most like and why?
Brian, because they are both nutty and awesome.

#3 Which BSB is Sam most compatible with and why?
AJ, because they are both kinky and crazy and they could corrupt each other.

#4 Sam + Brian – Who’s on top?
It wouldn’t matter as long as she got to watch Nick & Brian first.

#5 What is Sam’s finest Noisy moment from the past year?
Her Alfred/Kevin in “Batstreet Boys”.

Her answers:

#1 Describe yourself in one word:
Complicated

#2 Which BSB do you think you are most like and why?
Present day AJ: we can be nuts at times but most of the time we're basically nice people.

#3 Which BSB do you think you are most compatible with and why?
AJ, we both like to have a good time and have a sick sense of humour.

#4 You + Brian – Who’s on top?
Brian lol, I want to dig my nails into his back to hear him scream.

#5 What is your finest Noisy moment from the past year?
My role as Kevin/Alfred from “Batstreet Boys”.


Victoria

Our answers:

#1 Describe Victoria in one word:
Awesome

#2 Which BSB do you think Victoria is most like and why?
Nick, because she comes up with some crazy ideas but she always turns them into something great.

#3 Which BSB do you think Victoria is most compatible with and why?
AJ, because they could share everything, ciggys, make up, handcuffs, pants.

#4 Victoria + AJ – Who’s on top?
Victoria

#5 What is Victoria’s finest Noisy moment from the past year?
*pokes water* “But it’s COOOOOOOLD, it’s REALLY cold!!”

Her answers:

#1 Describe yourself in one word:
Unique

#2 Which BSB do you think you are most like and why?
Much as I hate to admit it, Nick. My mind is like organised chaos, we both think far too much and a bit crazy, but if I need to be sensible I can manage it… just about lol. And my tweets are always interesting lol.

#3 Which BSB do you think you are most compatible with and why?
AJ because he can come live with me in London! Lol He’d so love that! And I could prevent him playing with Nick’s poo lol.

#4 You + AJ – Who’s on top?
On top: as many positions as possible, as many times as possible, as often as possible LOL.

#5 What is your finest Noisy moment from the past year?
Noisys on Ice “That hurt”.


Poppy

Our answers:

#1 Describe Poppy in one word:
Artistic

#2 Which BSB do you think Poppy is most like and why?
Brian, because they’ve both been through a lot and still manage to stay positive and strong.

#3 Which BSB do you thin Poppy is most compatible with and why?
AJ, because she could make him her bitch.

#4 Poppy + Nick – Who’s on top?
Poppy

#5 What is Poppy’s finest Noisy moment from the past year?
The Noisy Girl T-Shirt design.

Her answers:

#1 Describe yourself in one word:
Funny

#2 Which BSB do you think you are most like and why?
Brian, we both went through a lot, both survivors, our b-days are close and we're Pisces.

#3 Which BSB do you think you are most compatible with and why?
Maybe Brian, but I think I'd be compatible with Nick and AJ too. I'm not sure why, I go a lot by signs. Brian's is mine, my best friend is Aquarius and a boy, and AJ is awesome, I think I'd be great with him.

#4 You + Nick – Who’s on top?
Nick

#5 What is your finest Noisy moment from the past year?
Do I even have one?

Dianne

Our answers:

#1 Describe Dianne in one word:
Crazy

#2 Which BSB do you think Dianne is most like and why?
Brian, because she’s bouncy and damn good fun.

#3 Which BSB do you think Dianne is most compatible with and why?
Nick because they could pull crazy stunts together and gang up on Howie, until they
tied each other to the bed and forgot they actually had to DO something.

#4 Dianne + Nick – Who’s on top?
Dianne on top with her crazy wandering eyes.

#5 What is Dianne’s finest Noisy moment from the past year?
At the crosswalk when she said that the beeping was “for deaf people”.

Her answers:

#1 Describe yourself in one word.
Normal

#2 Which BSB do you think you are most like and why?
Nick because we’re both wicked hot and suffer from frequent blonde moments.

#3 Which BSB do you think you are most compatible with and why?
Howie, because we are both awesomely scary and slightly evil.

#4 You + Your fav BSB – Who’s on top?
ME!!

#5 What is your finest noisy moment from the past year?
When I caused V to have that dream where she and Nick had sex in a pile of luggage. I’ve never been prouder of myself!

Dear BSB: This Is Us Being Confused

This is Beth, BN's "Fearless Leader" wishing you a Happy BN Day!

Today is the official one year anniversary of BN's founding! Wow, a year. We've done so much with that year too: we ran Lady V's Corner and learned about her mixing skills, we got BSB hug tips from Jen and tried to see who could make her laugh until she snorted , B advised us on what NOT to say and earned her nickname "The Brazilian Tornado", we got Poppy and her crazy Photoshop skills safely home, we met Chels "Hat" and Luz "Sorting" in Ohio for the Noisy Convention, we saw what happens when you leave Di alone with a Brian BSBuddy...oh yeah, we did some writing too. ;)
It's been a blessing to have such wonderful friends around the world--the girls will be modest about it, but they sent me flowers to celebrate today! This project has been a great experience, and we're looking forward to another year of amusing/annoying you with our antics.
'Cuz as long as there's Backstreet...we'll be coming back again.

Or, in V's words: united we stand, divided we're a bit rubbish.

In honor of BN Day, we're reposting the Dear BSB that kicked off the project and brought us together. We hope it makes you laugh as much as the first time, and look forward to seeing you in the TDS chatroom tonight for the live party at 8pm EST!

Unedited and uncut, Dear BSB: We Have Some Questions about This Is Us

Dear BSB,

We fans love you and we love love LOVE the new album, but we on the LD forum have some questions that need answering….

“Straight Through My Heart”:
Having taken a gun safety class myself, I have to say: if she’s got you “straight through” your heart…dude, she’s been practicing on someone else, because that is a DANG hard shot. Especially with a single bullet.
So I’d be in disbelief too.
Also, everything’s a little harder to escape once you get shot through the heart. So yes you would have trouble resisting. Or escaping. Or breathing.
We’d also like to have words with you on the STMH video, since it’s werewolves that you shoot, not vampires. K? Although, I guess being staked through the heart at a crossroad at midnight doesn’t quite have the same ring to it….

“She’s a Dream”:
Guys, there is a whole THREAD about this, which is why it’s out of order. We need this addressed quickly.
As fans, we’re all about girls loving you for you, but um….
A girl who “ain’t got cable/ she ain’t even got a radio”…are you really looking for a girl who lives under a rock?
Or is she just so dumb she can’t figure out from all that “VIP” hanging that you’re famous?
And if she doesn’t know you’re “on the stage three or four times a week”, she’s just clueless, and you don’t call her often, now do you?
Maybe all the “ooooh” and “ahhh” went to her head.
I'm sure over-pronouncing vowels does that to some people.

“Bigger”:
Brian’s “no one to count on at all”? He sure tweets the most often!
AJ has to be the liar, the egotist…because…we think Howie would only lie about taking out the trash?
You guys really don’t come off well in this song. Is this what happens after you make “The Call”?
“All the messed up things I do/ I swear I’ll make them up to you”—wait, aren’t you the same guys that did “More Than That” and “Get Another Boyfriend”? You’re supposed to be stealing us from bad boyfriends, not becoming them!
Even Shawty would dump you if you acted this way.

“Bye Bye Love”:
Of course you want to stay single: you’re famous, hot, wealthy…whoa, wait. Aren’t two of you married?
Do your WIVES know about this track?!
Besides, if you’re an egotistical liar who wants to date clueless women…can you be that picky about “a girl that only want to come back/ ‘cause another man broke her heart”?

“All of Your Life (You Need Love)”:
Nick wants to “hold you/ I’ll save you”.
One question: Where do we sign up?

“If I Knew Then”:
How often are we going to discuss the handbook/manual/instructions of love? We got it in the first verse! Also, love as a GPS? Not sure that’s sexy. My Garmin’s kinda evil, and I cuss at it a lot.

“This Is Us”:
Uh, we would believe in you, but we’re still a little freaked out by your “Bigger” confessions. And that you want to stay single.
And you bleed.
A lot.
Also, how are we supposed to “let the world know/ this is us”, if ideally we have no radio or cable? Send a telegram?

“PDA”:
Were we a little hormonal this day, Boys?
Also, as a dental assistant, any guy talking about rotting teeth: total turn off. Sorry Howie.
Nick: I don't know about everyone else, but every time you say "booooooty"....
I burst out laughing a la the BSB on Ice video. Boy, you should only say "booty" when it's in reference to shaking your own. Which, btw, we would like more of.
But hey, we all think about making out…at the grocery store? You could get accidentally sprayed with chemicals in Produce, or get frozen to a freezer door, or slip when they’re mopping the floor. Not safe. Did AJ write this after his K-Mart escapade?
So really, if you get tackled in a grocery store now, it’s your own fault: you asked for it.
Oh, and it's probably someone from LD.

“Masquerade”:
Unless you’re speaking in metaphor (or bringing Shawty), we’re fans.
And we’ve got cable.
We recognize the back of your head at fifty feet.
Nice try though!

“Shattered”:
Um, you guys are a little violent on this album. You’re bleeding on the floor, you’re shot straight through the heart, words are burning, you’re being dragged to the grave, and you’re shattered with holes in your heart, “cut from within side.”
Does Jive give you good health insurance? Because it sounds like your ER bills are through the roof!
Two words: body. armor.
Look into it.
Or, can we kiss it and make it better?

“Undone”:
You don’t want to see her no more, you don’t want to feel her no more?
But you stuck around to sing?
That’s kinda passive aggressive. But pretty, very pretty.
Tell me more. ‘Cause I’ll never break your heart—um, I will love you more than—uh….
Oh forget it:
Backstreet’s Back, alright!

Many Thanks to Poppy!

Noise Levels

Are You Noisy?

It's the BN One Year Anniversary tomorrow night, and we're hosting the party LIVE!

Join us at 8pm EST in The Dark Side chatroom, and get Noisy! Hope to see you there and KTBSBPA!